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Many doctors say that people in today’s world do not do enough physical exercise. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions are there to this problem? v.5

Many doctors say that people in today’s world do not do enough physical exercise. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions are there to this problem? v. 5
Health is an imperative aspect of a person’s life. Today a major proportion of youngsters are unhealthy. Copious doctors feel that most of the people today do not indulge in physical exercises and it is because they do not find time for it. This essay will discuss the causes of this and will provide a solution to this problem. On one hand, compared to a decade ago, today we live in a more competitive world. Time is money, and everybody is in a race to earn more money. Most of them spend hours at work to fulfil their dream and hardly get time to exercise. In fact, this is the major reason why people do not concentrate on their fitness. For example, people who are employed in IT sectors spend on average of ten hours at the office when they have urgent projects to be completed. Eventually, they return home exhausted and do not have time or energy for exercise. On the other hand, health is vital for any individual to grow in his life. People have to ensure they take the necessary steps to incorporate any kind of exercise in their daily routine. During break hours in the office, they can climb the stair of a couple of floors or can go for a small brisk walk. For example, instead of driving to work, a person can substitute it by walking or cycling to work. It has proven that a five-kilometer walk daily is all the exercise that is required to keep one healthy and fit. Therefore, implementing such steps can be a good source of workout in one's busy schedule. To conclude, it is these small initiatives that are required for getting proper exercise. Everyone has to understand the consequences of not doing exercise regularly and this will lead them to take exercising seriously.
Health is an imperative aspect of a person’s life.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
a major proportion of youngsters are unhealthy. Copious doctors feel that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
do not indulge in physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for it. This essay will discuss the causes of this and will provide a solution to this problem.

On one hand, compared to a decade ago,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a more competitive world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Time
is money, and everybody is in a race to earn more money. Most of them spend hours at work to fulfil their dream and hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. In fact, this is the major reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not concentrate on their fitness.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are employed
in IT sectors spend on average of ten hours at the office when they have urgent projects to
be completed
.
Eventually
, they return home exhausted and do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
or energy for exercise.

On the other hand
, health is vital for any individual to grow in his life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
ensure they take the necessary steps to incorporate any kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
in their daily routine. During break hours in the office, they can climb the stair of a couple of floors or can go for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
brisk walk.
For example
,
instead
of driving to work, a person can substitute it by walking or cycling to work. It has proven that a five-kilometer walk daily is all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
that
is required
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
one healthy and fit.
Therefore
, implementing such steps can be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
source of workout in one's busy schedule.

To conclude
, it is these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
initiatives that
are required
for getting proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. Everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
understand the consequences of not doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
regularly
and this will lead them to take exercising
seriously
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Many doctors say that people in today’s world do not do enough physical exercise. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions are there to this problem? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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