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Some people think that the best wat to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative wats or reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that the best wat to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative wats or reducing crime. v. 1
How criminal acts should be punished has been debated for many years. Some may argue that an increased jail time would help decrease crime rates, whereas others believe that there are other measures which can be more effective. In this essay I will discuss both of these views and why I agree that alternative methods are much for effective in reducing crime. With regards to longer prison sentences, many believe that this is a successful method in decreasing the amount of criminal activity in our society. One reason for this view is that imprisonment acts as a deterrent, by which people are separated from their friends and family and their freedom is restricted. A recent study showed that 48% of prisoners were less likely to commit further criminal acts due to the fact that they did not want to spend more time in jail. Thus, a lengthy prison sentence would further discourage people from performing law breaking acts as they are aware of the consequences if they do so. Therefore, an increased jail time will provide criminals with an incentive to not break the law. Although, increasing the duration inhabitants spend in ail may help to discourage them, I believe that this is only a short-term gain. Law breakers need to be educated and taught how to be better law bidding citizens in order for crime rates to reduce. An example of this would be; providing inmates with therapy and educational lessons on why they committed such acts and helping them to understand their behaviours and situation, so it will not occur in the future. This method will help them to acknowledge their wrong doings and give them a strategy on how to become better people. Thus, these alternative methods can be more effective in reducing criminal rates. In conclusion, although by increasing the amount of time law breakers spend behind bars may discourage them from committing crime, I believe that using an alternative approach, such as education and therapy, can diminish crime activity long term.
How
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acts
should
be punished
has
been debated
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
may
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "argues".
argue
that an increased jail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
decrease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates, whereas others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that there are other measures which can be more effective. In this essay I will discuss both of these views and why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that alternative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
are much for effective in reducing crime.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
longer prison sentences,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that this is a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
in decreasing the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activity in our society. One reason for this view is that imprisonment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acts
as a deterrent, by which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are separated
from their friends and family and their freedom
is restricted
. A recent study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 48% of prisoners were less likely to commit
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acts
due to the fact that they did not want to spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in jail.
Thus
, a lengthy prison sentence would
further
discourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from performing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
breaking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acts
as they are aware of the consequences if they do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
Therefore
, an increased jail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
will provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
with an incentive to not break the law.

Although, increasing the duration inhabitants spend in ail may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to discourage them, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that this is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a short-term gain.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Law
breakers need to
be educated
and taught how to be better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
bidding citizens in order for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
. An example of this would be; providing inmates with therapy and educational lessons on why they committed such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acts
and helping them to understand their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
and situation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it will not occur in the future. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to acknowledge their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
doings and give them a strategy on how to become better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Thus
, these alternative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
can be more effective in reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
rates.

In conclusion
, although by increasing the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
breakers spend behind bars may discourage them from committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that using an alternative approach, such as education and therapy, can diminish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
activity long term.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the best wat to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative wats or reducing crime. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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