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Many doctors in several countries believe people are not getting regular exercise. What are the causes, what can be done about it? v.1

Many doctors in several countries believe people are not getting regular exercise. What are the causes, what can be done about it? v. 1
Sedentary lifestyle has been the order of the day recently, which has become a concern to medical doctors around the world. This essay will discuss contributing factors and suggest solutions to the problem. Improvement in technology has brought a lot of advancements that make things done with the aids of electric or automatic means. Unlike in the past when humans do virtually all things manually. Nowadays, people drive cars to and fro their places of work instead of trecking. For example, in Africa, people manually pound yam to eat, unlike now that we have some electronic gadgets which can make it within few minutes with less stress. In addition, people are actually ignorant of the health risk associated with not being physically fit. Also, some wealthy people lack orientation so they believe it is a sign of good living when they have people to send on errant while they sit down in a place. However, there are ways in which this increasing trend can be addressed. Firstly, there should be enlightenment for people to know the importance of keeping their body exercised, so also with the health problems associated with lack of physical activities like, cardiovascular diseases, diabetes, obesity to mention but a few which have been the leading causes of dead worldwide. There should be recreational centers with facilities for people to have regular access to exercise at least once a week. Early morning jogging should be encouraged as well. In summary, advancement in technology has rendered many people physically inactive nowadays which is medically unwise. However, people should get orientation on the benefits of exercise and risk of absence of it.
Sedentary lifestyle has been the order of the day recently, which has become a concern to medical doctors around the world. This essay will discuss contributing factors and suggest solutions to the problem.

Improvement in technology has brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advancements that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
things done with the aids of electric or automatic means. Unlike in the past when humans do
virtually
all things
manually
. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
drive cars to and fro their places of work
instead
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
trecking
.
For example
, in Africa,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
manually
pound yam to eat, unlike
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
that we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
electronic gadgets which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it within few minutes with less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are actually ignorant of the health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
associated with not being
physically
fit.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lack orientation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they believe it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
living when they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
on errant while they sit down in a place.

However
, there are ways in which this increasing trend can
be addressed
.
Firstly
, there should be enlightenment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to know the importance of keeping their body exercised,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
also
with the health problems associated with lack of physical activities like, cardiovascular diseases, diabetes, obesity to mention
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a few which have been the leading causes of dead worldwide. There should be recreational centers with facilities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have regular access to exercise at least once a week. Early morning jogging should
be encouraged
as well
.

In summary, advancement in technology has rendered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
physically
inactive nowadays which is
medically
unwise.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
orientation on the benefits of exercise and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of absence of it.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
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Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Many doctors in several countries believe people are not getting regular exercise. What are the causes, what can be done about it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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