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Many developing countries are currently expanding their tourist industries. Why is this the case? Is it a positive development? v.4

Many developing countries are currently expanding their tourist industries. Why is this the case? Is it a positive development? v. 4
Tourism is already a huge industry and this is expanding even more rapidly in developing countries. Many developing countries have taken extensive initiatives to expand their tourism and thus many of them have gained a considerable amount of popularity in this industry. I believe that the reasons for developing countries to embark this industry are many folds and this is quite a positive development for them. First and foremost popularity around the world is the reason many developing countries are expanding their tourism. They know quite well that popularity and exposure to the world are the main keys to expanding their presence in the world.   For instance, Malaysia is a well-known Asian country and the expansion of their tourism sector has established this popularity. Second, tourism industry brings a huge amount of foreign money that can be used for the development of the country. For instance, developing countries like Thailand, China and Spain are earning a huge amount of foreign money from their tourism industries. Third, tourism actually increases the business opportunities of a country and thus many countries are having a better trade relationship with developed countries only because the tourists of western world came to visit such countries first. Finally, tourism creates job opportunities for local people and gives the host country an excellent opportunity to develop their infrastructure. I firmly believe that despite some negative effects tourism industry offers a huge benefit to a country. Among the negative effects environmental pollutions, influences of foreign culture and threat of terrorism are often mentioned. However, in this era of globalisation countries cannot shut their doors for foreigners. This is the age of technology and we can fly to any place within few hours. So the tourism industry is rapidly enhancing and a country should take advantages of it. Earning foreign remittance, creating more jobs for local people, introducing unique tradition to the world, improving the transportation system, knowing cultural diversity are some of the quite astonishing advantages that development of tourism can offer. In short, the main reason developing countries are expanding their tourism industries is because they understand the huge potential and benefits this industry offers and without any doubt, this is quite a positive development.
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Tourism
is already a
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huge
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industry
and this is
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expanding
even more
rapidly
in
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developing
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countries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
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developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have taken extensive initiatives to expand their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
and
thus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them have gained a considerable amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popularity
in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
. I believe that the reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to embark this
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industry
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
folds and this is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quite
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
for them.

First
and foremost
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popularity
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is the reason
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expanding
their
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tourism
. They know
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quite
well that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popularity
and exposure to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
are the main keys to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expanding
their presence in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
For instance
, Malaysia is a well-known Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and the expansion of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
sector has established this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popularity
. Second,
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tourism
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
brings a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
money that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of the
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country
.
For instance
,
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developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like Thailand, China and Spain are earning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
money from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
. Third,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
actually increases the business opportunities of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
thus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are having a better trade relationship with developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the tourists of western
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world
came to visit such
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countries
first
.
Finally
,
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tourism
creates job opportunities for local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and gives the host
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country
an excellent opportunity to develop their infrastructure.

I
firmly
believe that despite
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some
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negative
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "effects'" or "effect's"?
effects
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tourism
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
offers a
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huge
benefit to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Among the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects environmental pollutions, influences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
culture and threat of terrorism are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
mentioned.
However
, in this era of
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
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countries
cannot shut their doors for foreigners. This is the age of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
technology and
we can
fly
to any place within few hours.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
is
rapidly
enhancing and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
should take advantages of it. Earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
remittance, creating more jobs for local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, introducing unique tradition to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, improving the transportation system, knowing cultural diversity are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quite
astonishing advantages that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
can offer.

In short, the main reason
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developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expanding
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
potential and benefits this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
offers and without any doubt, this is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quite
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
73Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many developing countries are currently expanding their tourist industries. Why is this the case? Is it a positive development? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
369 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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