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Many developing countries are currently expanding their tourism industries. Why is this the case? Is it a positive development? v.2

The expansion of tourism is seen by developing countries as a promising option towards boosting economic development. These countries have adopted a range of measures in order to expand their tourism and, thus, gain not only awareness among people from different parts of the world, but also bring a huge amount of foreign currency into the state. I strongly believe that the current rapid development of the tourism sector is quite a positive tendency followed by underdeveloped states. Among a vast number of reasons that may serve as a ground for the tourism-based economy, it is reasonable to highlight that tourism generates income by bringing foreign exchange into a country, and creates employment opportunities, contributing to the development of private sectors and individuals’ welfare. For instance, Maldives is known as the most tourism-dependent country in the world, and a huge amount of foreign currency is coming to the country through tourism. On the example of Maldives, it is also clearly seen that a vigorous development of tourism greatly contributes to the popularity of the country. A country may not possess such advantages as technology, wide industry production, but yet be exposed to the world due to the extreme popularity as a beautiful tourist destination. Expanding their presence in the world by attracting tourists, developing states increase business opportunities and create a positive ground for successful trade relationships with other countries. Finally, the development of tourism provides local citizens of a country not only with a number of job opportunities, but enhances cultural diversity and broadens people’s outlook. Although the rapid enhancement of tourism may have negative impacts such as environmental pollution or an increased crime rate, in my opinion, tourism positively impacts developing countries. Earning a huge amount of money, promoting a country around the world, broadening business and trade opportunities, supporting local private sectors are some of the quite splendid chances that tourism may create in developing countries.
The expansion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
by developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
as a promising option towards boosting

economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have adopted a range of measures in order to expand

their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
and,
thus
, gain not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
awareness among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world,

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
bring a huge amount of foreign currency into the state. I
strongly
believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current


rapid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
sector is quite a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
tendency followed by underdeveloped

states.

Among a vast number of reasons that may serve as a ground for the tourism-based economy, it is

reasonable to highlight that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
generates income by bringing foreign exchange into a

country, and creates employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
, contributing to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of private

sectors and individuals’ welfare.
For instance
, Maldives
is known
as the most tourism-dependent

country in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, and a huge amount of foreign currency is coming to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
through

tourism. On the example
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the Maldives".
of Maldives
, it is
also
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that a vigorous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of

tourism
greatly
contributes to the popularity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
may not possess such

advantages as technology, wide industry production,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
yet
be exposed
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
due to the

extreme popularity as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
tourist destination. Expanding their presence in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
by

attracting tourists, developing states increase business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
and create a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
ground

for successful trade relationships with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of tourism

provides local citizens of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with a number of job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
enhances

cultural diversity and broadens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s outlook.

Although the rapid enhancement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts such as environmental

pollution or an increased crime rate, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
positively
impacts developing

countries. Earning a huge amount of money, promoting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, broadening

business and trade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
, supporting local private sectors are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
quite splendid

chances that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
may create in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
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IELTS essay Many developing countries are currently expanding their tourism industries. Why is this the case? Is it a positive development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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