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Many crimes are often related to the consumption of alcohol some people think that the best way to reduce the crime rate is to ban alcohol. Do you think this is an effective measure against crime? What other solution can you suggest? v.2

Many crimes are often related to the consumption of alcohol some people think that the best way to reduce the crime rate is to ban alcohol. Do you think this is an effective measure against crime? What other solution can you suggest? v. 2
It is commonly believed by most people that the best way to reduce the crime rate that occurred by alcoholic people is that the government should prohibit the selling and consuming the booze. In my opinion, I disagree with this measurement as I think it is not an effective method to solve the issue in the long term. In this essay, I would discuss the reason why banning liqueur is not the best solution and propose other ways to deal with this critical problem. With regard to the prohibit on trading of alcohol from government, this policy will encourage more people to purchase and consume wine and beer in illegal ways. For instance, people have more incentive to violate the law by importing the booze through the border of the country and trade in the black market which outside the control of official authorities. This kind of solution will not reduce the misconduct behaviour rate involving booze consumption in the long term; however, encourage people to misconduct against the law. The effective methods to discourage people from consuming alcohol would be educating the drawbacks and increase the price of alcohol. First, it is very important to ensure that people, especially, the young generation aware and realize the disadvantage of consuming beer and wine. Once children acknowledge the negative impact that they will face when they consume a large amount of booze or the accident that it may cause from being unconscious, they will avoid the bad drinking habit. Second, government can discourage people from trading liquor by increasing the price of the product or amount of taxation, this will reduce the number of people who can afford on expensive drinking. Therefore, this solution will decrease the number of drinking alcohol and breach the law by involving in bad habit drinking. In conclusion, the prohibition of selling liquor can be one of the method to decrease the amount of crime committed from alcoholic people; however, it is not the most effective ways to resolve this issue in the long run. On the other hand, the government should educate people on the drawback of drinking and raising the price of purchasing liquor; therefore, reducing the crime rate on involving alcoholic cases.
It is
commonly
believed by most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the crime rate that occurred by alcoholic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should prohibit the selling and consuming the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
booze
. In my opinion, I disagree with this measurement as I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is not an effective method to solve the issue in the long term. In this essay, I would discuss the reason why banning liqueur is not the best solution and propose other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to deal with this critical problem.

With regard to
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'prohibit' is correct. If 'prohibit' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the prohibit
on trading of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, this policy will encourage more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
and consume wine and beer in illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more incentive to violate the law by importing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
booze
through the border of the country and trade in the black market which outside the control of official authorities. This kind of solution will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the misconduct
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
rate involving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
booze
consumption in the long term;
however
, encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to misconduct against the law.

The effective methods to discourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
would be educating the drawbacks and increase the price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
.
First
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to ensure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
, the young generation aware and realize the disadvantage of consuming beer and wine. Once children acknowledge the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact that they will face when they consume a large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
booze
or the accident that it may cause from being unconscious, they will avoid the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinking
habit. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can discourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from trading liquor by increasing the price of the product or amount of taxation, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who can afford on expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinking
.
Therefore
, this solution will decrease the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
and breach the law by involving in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habit drinking.

In conclusion
, the prohibition of selling liquor can be one of the method to decrease the amount of crime committed from alcoholic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
;
however
, it is not the most effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to resolve this issue in the long run.
On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on the drawback of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinking
and raising the price of purchasing liquor;
therefore
, reducing the crime rate on involving alcoholic cases.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Many crimes are often related to the consumption of alcohol some people think that the best way to reduce the crime rate is to ban alcohol. Do you think this is an effective measure against crime? What other solution can you suggest? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
369 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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