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Many countries are experiencing population growth and need more homes. Should these new homes be built in existing cities or should new towns be built in the countryside? v.6

Many countries are experiencing population growth and need more homes. Should these new homes be built in existing cities or should new towns be built in the countryside? v. 6
There is an issue about where to erect new residential areas. Some social workers claim that it is better to build in current urban regions, while some developer suggest creating new towns in the rural places. This essay agrees with the idea of constructing houses in the city. Let us start with reasons why some social workers state that it is better to locate new residential buildings in current municipals. The first reason is that it can save on town infrastructure. Architects can design apartment buildings without sewage, heating, and water systems, because they are available in the developed city, which allows to reduce the budget. Another reason is the approximate of universities. Best colleges commonly reside in cities, so school graduates, who live in homes near downtown, can much easier commute to their colleges than those from suburbs. Furthermore, cities secure high employment opportunities. Dwellers in newly constructed towns may find it arduous to get employment, since large companies prefer to concentrate their branches near the headquarter, which is usually located in cities. However, some politicians argue that developers should focus their effort on building new towns. They justify their point of view by the followoing arguments. Firstly, it may diminish high-populated areas. Many urban areas suffer from overpopulation, but, with the construction of new towns, city councils will be able to solve it. Secondly, there is a possibility for towns to grow into cities. Many towns have the opportunity to develop into municipals, because they have enough spaces for both new blocks of flats as well as trading centers. Moreover, they can attract more investors by opening unoccupied markets. Businessmen tend to willingly open their departments in towns, if they have both a big population and scarcity of stores, so that they can find a niche. In conclusion, although some developers advocate the idea of erecting apartment buildings in rural areas, I think it is reasonable to connect them with existing cities so that people can enjoy all benefits of urbanisation.
There is an issue about where to erect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
social workers claim that it is better to build in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
urban regions, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "developers"?
developer
suggest creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
in the rural places. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of constructing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
in the city.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social workers state that it is better to locate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
municipals. The
first
reason is that it can save on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
infrastructure. Architects can design apartment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
without sewage, heating, and water systems,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are available in the developed city, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the budget. Another reason is
The phrase 'the approximate of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the approximate of
universities.
A determiner is probably missing here: "the Best".
Best
colleges
commonly
reside in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
school graduates, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in homes near downtown, can much easier commute to their colleges than those from suburbs.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
secure high employment opportunities. Dwellers in
newly
constructed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
may find it arduous to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
employment, since large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
prefer to concentrate their branches near the
The word 'headquarter' is a verb. The noun to describe a corporate head office ends with an 's'.
headquarter
, which is
usually
located in cities.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
politicians argue that developers should focus their effort on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
. They justify their point of view by the
Possible spelling mistake found.
followoing
arguments.
Firstly
, it may diminish high-populated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
suffer from overpopulation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, with the construction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
, city councils will be able to solve it.
Secondly
, there is a possibility for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
to grow into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
have the opportunity to develop into municipals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
spaces for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
blocks of flats
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
trading centers.
Moreover
, they can attract more investors by opening unoccupied markets. Businessmen tend to
willingly
open their departments in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
, if they have both a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
population and scarcity of stores,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can find a niche.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
developers advocate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of erecting apartment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
in rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is reasonable to connect them with existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can enjoy all benefits of
Possible spelling mistake. 'urbanisation' is British English.
urbanisation
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Many countries are experiencing population growth and need more homes. Should these new homes be built in existing cities or should new towns be built in the countryside? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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