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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People in the past are more interested in improving their neighbourhood (the area where they live) than now. v.469

People in the past are more interested in improving their neighbourhood (the area where they live) than now. v. 469
It is widely admitted that the relationship in one neighbourhood is gradually distant and no longer be close as in the past. Correspondingly, people are less interested in making friends with neighbourhoods and improving their community now. Although our living condition and facilities in the neighbourhood advanced tremendously, people’s interests to devote in the neighbourhood is decreasing due to the following reasons. First of all, there is no need for people to shoulder duties for their neighbourhood. Nowadays, the neighbourhoods have the special committee to do all the duties, such as cleaning streets, doing gardening and repairing damaged facilities. The residents can pay the fees and enjoy the service without worries. However, people have to do everything for the neighbourhood by their own. People could manage their community as well so they were motive to devote time in it. Thus, people spend less time or even no time to find the interest in doing things together with others now. Secondly, the higher mobility of today’s life makes people attach less importance to their neighbourhood. At present, there are a few people who will live in one place for a life-long time. My aunt who has lived in four cities is a classic example. She does not care about the condition and quality of her neighbourhood because she is not sure when she will leave for next places. In contrast, my grandparents took their neighbourhood as their home. They were willing to clean the environment and struggle for more benefits for their community without any complaints. In this point of view, people in the cared their neighborhood more. Furthermore, with the rapid development of the economy, people become more independent to their neighbourhood than in the old days. In the past, some people did a lot of things for their neighbourhood because they expected others in the neighbourhood could offer favours when they had troubles. One household wanted to refurbish house might need the help from the community because the cost of hiring a company is exclusive, while people can pay for professionals to do this work because of the higher income. That is to say, as people’s willingness to donate to the neighbourhood decrease, the needs of their neighbourhood will less now. In conclusion, people become more independent with fewer obligations and fewer affections for their neighbourhood. As a result, they are not interested in improving it like before. Even if we have a committee to manage the neighbourhood, we ought to pay more attention to our home.
It is
widely
admitted that the relationship in one
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
is
gradually
distant and no longer be close as in the past.
Correspondingly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
interested in making friends with
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhoods' is British English.
neighbourhoods
and improving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. Although our living condition and facilities in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
advanced
tremendously
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
interests to devote in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
is decreasing due to the following reasons.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there is no need for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to shoulder duties for their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
. Nowadays, the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhoods' is British English.
neighbourhoods
have the special committee to do all the duties, such as cleaning streets,
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "going gardening".
doing gardening
and repairing damaged facilities. The residents can pay the fees and enjoy the service without worries.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do everything for the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
could manage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
as well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they were motive to devote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in it.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
or even no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to find the interest in doing things together with others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

Secondly
, the higher mobility of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
importance to their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
. At present, there are a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in one place for a life-long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. My aunt who has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in four cities is a classic example. She does not care about the condition and quality of her
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she is not sure when she will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
for
next
places.
In contrast
, my grandparents took their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
as their home. They were willing to clean the environment and struggle for more benefits for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
without any complaints. In this point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the cared their neighborhood more.

Furthermore
, with the rapid development of the economy,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become more independent to their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
than in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
days. In the past,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
did
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things for their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
others in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
could offer
Possible spelling mistake. 'favours' is British English.
favours
when they had troubles. One household wanted to refurbish
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
might need the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the cost of hiring a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
is exclusive, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can pay for professionals to do this work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the higher income.
That is
to say, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
willingness to donate to the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
decrease, the needs of their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become more independent with fewer obligations and fewer affections for their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
.
As a result
, they are not interested in improving it like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. Even if we have a committee to manage the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
, we ought to pay more attention to our home.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Mistakes

IELTS essay People in the past are more interested in improving their neighbourhood (the area where they live) than now. v. 469

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
418 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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