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Many countries aim to improve living standard by economic development, but some important social values are lost as a result. Do the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Many countries aim to improve living standard by economic development, but some important social values are lost as a result. Do the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
It has been commonly debated that a number of country purpose to develop living standards by economic improvement, however, several essential social values are lost as a result. As far as I am concerned, economic development has certainly got more benefits than drawbacks. On the negative side, when countries improve living standards by economic development, individuals spend the amount of time at work as a result of which, they have not enough time for themselves do social activities. A great number of the population of developing country spent only 3 or 4 hours with their family. For example, the population of America never attends any intellectual competition or other events because their works. To be honest, their profits more than other employer of another country, while they never take part in social values. Despite the evident drawbacks, economic developments have more benefits for citizens. The major advantages of the mentioned issue is that population of developing country has high life standards. They have 2 or 3 own homes at the same time as their children go to special schools and they go to school by car. That is to say, their education level more than other children so It is easy to get tertiary education in these countries. For instance, in Japan children are more intelligent than others so they enter the university easily. Moreover, these individuals have more profits than others. Their carrier life more than 10 years as a result, these countries have great economic developments, namely they get high income from job so they have high life standards. To sum up, although economic development has certain evident downsides the benefit of it clearly outweigh them.
It has been
commonly
debated that a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
purpose to develop living standards by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
improvement,
however
, several essential social values
are lost
as a result
. As far as I
am concerned
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
has
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
more benefits than drawbacks.

On the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
living standards by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
, individuals spend the amount of time at work
as a result
of which, they have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time for themselves do social activities. A great number of the population of developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
spent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
3 or 4 hours with their family.
For example
, the population of America never attends any intellectual competition or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their works. To be honest, their profits more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
employer of another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, while they never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in social values.

Despite the evident drawbacks,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
have more benefits for citizens.

The major advantages of the mentioned issue is that population of developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has high life standards. They have 2 or 3
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
homes at the same time as their children go to special
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
schools and
they go to school by car.
That is
to say, their education level more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
It is easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
tertiary education in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
For instance
, in Japan children are more intelligent than others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they enter the university
easily
.
Moreover
, these individuals have more profits than others. Their carrier life more than 10 years
as a result
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
,
namely
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
high income from job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they have high life standards.

To sum up, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
has certain evident downsides the benefit of it
clearly
outweigh them.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Many countries aim to improve living standard by economic development, but some important social values are lost as a result. Do the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
278 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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