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Many companies sponsor sports as a way of advertising themselves. Some people think that it is a good thing, while others think that it has disadvantages. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.5

Many companies sponsor sports as a way of advertising themselves. Some people think that it is a good thing, while others think that it has disadvantages. v. 5
Sponsoring is an integral way of advertising. Most companies advertise themselves by sponsoring different sports. It is accredit as good thing by some, whereas others think it has few cons. In my opinion, it is imperative to have sponsors for a team or an individual athlete in order to earn more money but this could become an hinderance to the player outcome and this essay will discuss the same. Sponsorship mutually benefits both the sports as well as the companies. On the one hand, level of sports increases with better opportunities for players, more availability of training kits and on the other hand, participating firms get the platform to create their brand value. For instance, Vivo, the title sponsor for Indian premier league is trying to improve its market reputation through it. Therefore, this way of advertisement is beneficial for both parties. On the contrary, some people believe that it brings disadvantages as there is much influence of these big companies on the game. For the sake of profit, they generally employee techniques which hampers the natural game of the athlete. For example, there is a section of the game wherein the commentators have a conversation with the players in indian premier league. Consequently, concentration of the player is lost and their performance falls. To conclude, sponsorship increases the flow of money for a game which benefits the player in terms of more better opportunities. Due to the big influence on the sports of these companies, they use different tricks to make game more interesting which may deviate the focus of the player.
Sponsoring is an integral way of advertising. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
advertise themselves by sponsoring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. It is
Consider using a past participle here: "accredited".
accredit
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, whereas others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it has few cons. In my opinion, it is imperative to have sponsors for a team or an individual athlete in order to earn more money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this could become
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
Possible spelling mistake found.
hinderance
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
outcome and this essay will discuss the same.

Sponsorship
mutually
benefits both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. On the one hand, level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
increases with better opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
, more availability of training kits and
on the other hand
, participating firms
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the platform to create their brand value.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Vivo
, the title sponsor for Indian
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
premier league
is trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
its market reputation through it.
Therefore
, this way of advertisement is beneficial for both parties.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that it brings disadvantages as there is much influence of these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
on the game. For the sake of profit, they
generally
employee techniques which hampers the natural game of the athlete.
For example
, there is a section of the game wherein the commentators have a conversation with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
indian
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
premier league
.
Consequently
, concentration of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
is lost
and their performance falls.

To conclude
, sponsorship increases the flow of money for a game which benefits the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
in terms of
Use only "better" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more better
opportunities. Due to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
influence on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
tricks to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
game more interesting which may deviate the focus of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Many companies sponsor sports as a way of advertising themselves. Some people think that it is a good thing, while others think that it has disadvantages. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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