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Many Children have access to the internet and devices like smart phones, even at very young ages. Do you think this a good trend? What rules should children follow related to internet and gadget use? v.2

Many Children have access to the internet and devices like smart phones, even at very young ages. Do you think this a good trend? What rules should children follow related to internet and gadget use? v. 2
Nowadays, it is commonly observed that most of the young kids are addicted to devices such as tablets, mobiles and iPods. In my opinion, excessive use of mobile devices has detrimental effects on children’s mental and physical well-being and hence parents should regulate their internet and mobile activity. This essay will give some guidelines regarding the correct use of mobile gadgets. Mobiles and the internet certainly help children in many ways. For example, mobile games such as ‘Word Finder’ help them to make simple words out of the given set of letters. This will enhance their thought process and thus increase their cognitive skills which are very essential for a successful life. Also, learning to use these devices from a young age makes them smarter and more comfortable with technology. On the flip side, if children are always using their mobiles and tablets, they will develop several problems. For example, mobile addicted children may perform poorly in school because of their inability to focus on their studies. They may also become introverts. In addition, there is a possibility that they will come across harmful or obscene content on the internet. However, forbidding children to use the internet or the mobile is not the solution. Instead, parents should impose some strict rules on the mobile and internet use of their children. For example, parents should monitor their children when they are on the internet. They should also set a limit to the amount of time children can use these devices. To conclude, computers and mobiles can be both good and bad for children. Children can not only gain vast amount of knowledge by using electronic devices but also improve their analytical and cognitive skills. However, addiction to mobile devices and electronic media is detrimental for their mental and physical development. Hence, parents should monitor their internet activity and limit their screen time.
Nowadays, it is
commonly
observed that most of the young kids
are addicted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
such as tablets, mobiles and
Possible spelling mistake found.
iPods
. In my opinion, excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
has detrimental effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
mental and physical well-being and
hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should regulate their internet and mobile activity. This essay will give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
guidelines regarding the correct
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile gadgets.

Mobiles and the internet
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.
For example
, mobile games such as ‘Word Finder’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
simple words out of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
set of letters. This will enhance their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
process and
thus
increase their cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential for a successful life.
Also
, learning to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
from a young age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them smarter and more comfortable with technology.

On the flip side, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are always using their mobiles and tablets, they will develop several problems.
For example
, mobile addicted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may perform
poorly
in school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their inability to focus on their studies. They may
also
become introverts.
In addition
, there is a possibility that they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across harmful or obscene content on the internet.
However
, forbidding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet or the mobile is not the solution.
Instead
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should impose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
on the mobile and internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should monitor their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
when they are on the internet. They should
also
set a limit to the amount of time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these devices.

To conclude
, computers and mobiles can be both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
gain vast amount of knowledge by using electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their analytical and cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
However
, addiction to mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
and electronic media is detrimental for their mental and physical development.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should monitor their internet activity and limit their screen time.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many Children have access to the internet and devices like smart phones, even at very young ages. Do you think this a good trend? What rules should children follow related to internet and gadget use? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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