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Topic: Some people think that there should be some strict controls about noise. Others think that they could just make as much noise as they want. Discuss both views and give your opinions. v.2

Topic: Some people think that there should be some strict controls about noise. Others think that they could just make as much noise as they want. v. 2
The matter of noise has been brought up as a controversial issue in modern society. Some people suppose the idea that noise should be controlled strictly in some areas while others think that it is normal to produce as much noise as they want. On the one hand, proponents claim that there should be a strict law to control the use of noise due to its detrimental effects. First and foremost, loud noise affects the efficiency and effectiveness of employees and students. Workplaces and schools need to be kept away from loud noise settings since the people there need their own private zone to concentrate on their tasks or to be creative. In fact, students in a school will be affected adversely if there is a local market nearby due to the constant arguing, selling and bargaining sound there. Moreover, having suffered from loud noise for a long time can cause some serious diseases such as a migraine or a chronic headache. Especially, children and the elderly find it very irritated if they have to listen to loud hard-rock music, yelling or crying sound. Therefore, due to its harmful influence on our lives, governments should enact a law to manage the sound that human create. On the other hand, opponents cling to the idea that they can make as much noise as they want since they are living in a modern culture where noise is an essential factor. In fact, noise is a symbol of industrialized countries; therefore, it is used to carry on society’s development. In some nations, it is obvious that the use of music or advertising on streets, public transports, shopping malls or restaurants attracts many consumers. Moreover, people also believe that they have the right to make as much sound as they want if only it is legal. For example, in Vietnam, citizens are allowed to sing karaoke before 11 pm, so they have the right to play whatever they like before midnight no matter what their neighbors think. In conclusion, although producing noise is within human’s right and it also brings good outcomes, noise should be forbidden for people’s safety and work efficiency. People should make the suitable sound at the right occasions to benefit it the best.
The matter of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
has
been brought
up as a controversial issue in modern society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suppose the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
should
be controlled
strictly
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is normal to produce as much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
as they want.

On the one hand, proponents claim that there should be a strict law to control the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
due to its detrimental effects.
First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loud
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
affects the efficiency and effectiveness of employees and students. Workplaces and schools need to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loud
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
settings since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
there need their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
private zone to concentrate on their tasks or to be creative. In fact, students in a school will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
adversely
if there is a local market nearby due to the constant arguing, selling and bargaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sound
there.
Moreover
, having suffered from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loud
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
for a long time can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious diseases such as a migraine or a chronic headache.
Especially
, children and the elderly find it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
irritated if they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loud
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-rock music, yelling or crying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sound
.
Therefore
, due to its harmful influence on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should enact a law to manage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sound
The verb 'create' is plural. Did you mean: "that human creates"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
that human create
.

On the other hand
, opponents cling to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
as much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
as they want since they are living in a modern culture where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
is an essential factor. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
is a symbol of industrialized countries;
therefore
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to carry on society’s development. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations, it is obvious that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of music or advertising on streets, public transports, shopping malls or restaurants attracts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
consumers.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
believe that they have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
as much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sound
as they want if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
it is legal.
For example
, in Vietnam, citizens are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to sing karaoke
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
11 pm,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
to play whatever they like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
midnight no matter what their neighbors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
.

In conclusion
, although producing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
is within human’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
and it
also
brings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
outcomes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
should
be forbidden
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
safety and work efficiency.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sound
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
occasions to benefit it the best.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Topic: Some people think that there should be some strict controls about noise. Others think that they could just make as much noise as they want. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
373 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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