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Many believe that the best way to ensure a happier society is to reduce the difference in income earnings between the rich and poor. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

Many believe that the best way to ensure a happier society is to reduce the difference in income earnings between the rich and poor. v. 3
Nowadays it is strongly believed that everyone should have equal salary without any much difference. In my view, to create an equilibrium and a happier culture there should be less differences in a wage of every person because many problems such as crime, unfairness, and health arise with unequal incomes. Even though having good skills, many people spend their daily life miserable because they are not credited equal amount which is being given to other non-qualified persons. This mismanagement creates a lot of problems in our culture. For example, those people, who are awarded less, try to earn more money by other means that may be good or bad. Hence; therefore, people shall always be given an equal amount of money in order to create fair system. Additionally, wage difference creates an unbalanced society, that many people spend their wealthy life, however, other remain at boarder line due to insufficient resources. Since many people who work less, and live comfortable creates a psychological effect over those who work more and live uncomfortably. For example, in Pakistan, some of the jobs are offered with less work and higher salaries which are often provided to wealthy people. Hence; therefore, salary should be equal to promote a balanced society. In conclusion, I would say that there should be an equal wage of every person as with difference a lot of problems arise, such as less salary pushes people to earn money by using evil tricks and also creates an unbalanced society that keep them under pressure all time.
Nowadays it is
strongly
believed that everyone should have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
without any much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difference
. In my view, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
an equilibrium and a happier culture there should be
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun differences is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
differences
in a wage of every person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems such as crime, unfairness, and health arise with unequal incomes.

Even though
having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend their daily life miserable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not credited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
amount which is being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to other non-qualified persons. This mismanagement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
problems in our culture.
For example
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who
are awarded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
, try to earn more money by other means that may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
;
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
shall always be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
amount of money in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
system.

Additionally
, wage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difference
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creates
an unbalanced society, that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend their wealthy life,
however
, other remain at boarder line due to insufficient resources. Since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
comfortable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creates
a psychological effect over those who work more and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
uncomfortably
.
For example
, in Pakistan,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
jobs
are offered
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
work and higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
provided to wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
;
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
to promote a balanced society.

In conclusion
, I would say that there should be an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
wage of every person as with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difference
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
problems arise, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
pushes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to earn money by using evil tricks and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creates
an unbalanced society that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them under pressure all time.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
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IELTS essay Many believe that the best way to ensure a happier society is to reduce the difference in income earnings between the rich and poor. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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