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Many believe that the best way to ensure a happier society is to reduce the difference in income earnings between the rich and poor. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Many believe that the best way to ensure a happier society is to reduce the difference in income earnings between the rich and poor. v. 2
In our capitalist environment, few people owns the major portion of wealth, the bridge between rich and poor is increasing every day. There is a group of society who believes that if we somehow manage to reduce this gap of incomes we will be a happier society. I fully agree with this because to prosper as a community, it is very important for everyone to be happy. Distribution of wealth is one of the major crises of our modern generation, Wealthy people are continuously ameliorating their lives, whereas for the poor, their lives are deteriorating. It is a responsibility of government to provide equal opportunities to everyone. In this intricate capitalist culture, people with money are considered powerful. The government should come up with pragmatic solutions that helps in taking wealth from the upper class and distribute the same among the lower, middle class. Some enjoy luxuries of life while there others who don’t have access to rudimentary facilities. A section of the community thinks that there is a need to bridge the gap between rich and poor to achieve happiness. With equal distribution, we are not only achieving satisfaction but we will also get rids of crimes. If someone couldn’t provide for their family, so there is a chance that he could start stealing or get involved in other crimes. As there are multifarious researches that indicates if a person is unable to earn well, he sees crime as an opportunity. I believe, for the world to be happy we should take care of each other, everyone should play their part with responsibility. Handsome earners should take care of poor and state should introduce such measures that ensure the balanced wealth distribution.
In our capitalist environment, few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
owns
the major portion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
, the bridge between rich and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
is increasing every day. There is a group of society who believes that if we somehow manage to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
this gap of incomes we will be a happier society. I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
to prosper as a community, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for everyone to be happy.

Distribution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
is one of the major crises of our modern generation, Wealthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
continuously
ameliorating their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, whereas for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
, their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are deteriorating. It is a responsibility of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to provide equal opportunities to everyone. In this intricate capitalist culture,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with money
are considered
powerful. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with pragmatic solutions that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
from the upper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and distribute the same among the lower, middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
enjoy luxuries of life while there others who don’t have access to rudimentary facilities.

A section of the community
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that there is a need to bridge the gap between rich and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
to achieve happiness. With equal distribution, we are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
achieving satisfaction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rids of crimes. If someone couldn’t provide for their family,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there is a chance that he could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
stealing or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in other crimes. As there are multifarious researches that indicates if a person is unable to earn well, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
crime as an opportunity.

I believe, for the world to be happy we should take care of each other, everyone should play their part with responsibility. Handsome earners should take care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
and state should introduce such measures that ensure the balanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
distribution.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many believe that the best way to ensure a happier society is to reduce the difference in income earnings between the rich and poor. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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