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Many believe that religion is not a good thing, others say it is. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Many believe that religion is not a good thing, others say it is. v. 1
Religion dates back to the beginning of mankind and has become a key part of its existence. Even though it is thought by many to be a positive thing, others think that it has brought negativity. In my perspective, I think religion has given man a sense of purpose and has provided moral guidance for man which is a good thing. On the one hand, religion is as old as man, and has given him a purpose and guidance in life. For one, humans have always asked questions with regards to why they are alive today, and science has not been able to provide answers, however, through religious books like the bible, which claims to have being written by the inspiration of a spiritual God, humans have received answers to their questions. For another, religion has provided guidance for humans to live by daily. For example, the Christian religion preaches faith, goodwill, cheerfulness and love which promotes a society positively. So, from here, it becomes clear that religion is good and has being beneficial to mankind. On the other hand, in the many years that religion have existed, it has brought war and persecution to humanity worldwide. In the first place, division between people on the grounds of religious beliefs have resulted to conflicts. Most of these wars have ended some family lineage and in some cases an entire ethnic group. Furthermore, persecution of other people with different religious beliefs have been exacerbated in most part of the world. Take the middle east, for instance, factions of the religious groups who have more supporters have constantly vilified the other groups and denied them of their rights. Thus, it is clearly depicted that religion could be bad for man. To conclude, although many people believe that religion has brought war and persecution to mankind, I believe that it has done man good and the benefits have impacted man in positive ways.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Religion
dates back to the beginning of mankind and has become a key part of its existence.
Even though
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
to be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
thing, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it has brought negativity. In my perspective, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religion
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
man
a sense of purpose and has provided moral guidance for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
man
which is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religion
is as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
man
, and has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
him a purpose and guidance in life. For one, humans have always asked questions
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards to
why they are alive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, and science has not been able to provide answers,
however
, through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religious
books like the bible, which claims to have
being written
by the inspiration of a spiritual God, humans have received answers to their questions. For another,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religion
has provided guidance for humans to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
by daily.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
For
example, the Christian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religion
preaches faith, goodwill, cheerfulness and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
which promotes a society
positively
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, from here, it becomes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religion
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and has being beneficial to mankind.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religion
have existed, it has brought war and persecution to humanity worldwide. In the
first
place, division between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on the grounds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religious
beliefs have resulted to conflicts. Most of these wars have ended
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
family lineage and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases an entire ethnic group.
Furthermore
, persecution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religious
beliefs have
been exacerbated
in most part of the world. Take the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
middle east
,
for instance
, factions of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religious
groups who have more supporters have
constantly
vilified the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
groups and denied them of their rights.
Thus
, it is
clearly
depicted that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religion
could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
.

To conclude
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religion
has brought war and persecution to mankind, I believe that it has done
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
man
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and the benefits have impacted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
man
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
ways.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Many believe that religion is not a good thing, others say it is. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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