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Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement? ? v.3

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. ? v. 3
It is irrefutable that funding of the entertainment industry by the government is as crucial as investment in public services. I agree that these two serves different purposes and are beneficial to the citizens of society and require government funding. Today so many museums and theatres are functional because of government involvement. It is believed that without this support, art which portrays the culture and heritage of the people will go extinct. In Britain for instance, The British Museum has stood the taste of time because the government invest so much in it. Therefore, it is necessary to pass cultural knowledge about a society to the younger generation and with the political investment, art and theatres will certainly be preserved. In addition, services rendered by the music industry, art exhibitions at the theatres are sources of entertainment to the people. To illustrate, in bustling cities like New York, studies show that a large number of people spend their weekends attending music concerts, theatres and car exhibitions. On the whole, these industry help people enjoy their social life. Finally, this entertainment sector generates it own wealth from tourists and create employment for citizens of the nation. To clarify, a tourist looks forward to visit so many appealing sites which are art related. This helps to improve economy of the society and create job opportunities. Public services such as education, health care, electricity, good road network, clean water and other basic services are necessities which also requires government financing. The citizens deserve reformed education, equipped hospitals which are part of the social amenities provided by government. Therefore, funding in these various sectors are equally essential for human survival. In conclusion, every sector in the society is relevant and non is more superior than the other. Funds should be disbursed in each of them by the government to ensure continuity of each one of them.
It is irrefutable that funding of the entertainment industry by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is as crucial as investment in public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that these two serves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
purposes and are beneficial to the citizens of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
funding.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
museums and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
are functional
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
involvement. It
is believed
that without this support,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
which portrays the culture and heritage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will go extinct. In Britain
for instance
, The British Museum has stood the taste of time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
invest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much in it.
Therefore
, it is necessary to pass cultural knowledge about a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
to the younger generation and with the political investment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
will
certainly
be preserved
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
rendered by the music industry,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
exhibitions at the
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
are sources of entertainment to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. To illustrate, in bustling cities like New York, studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend their weekends attending music concerts,
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
and car exhibitions.
On the whole
, these industry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy their social life.
Finally
, this entertainment sector generates it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
wealth from tourists and create employment for citizens of the nation. To clarify, a tourist looks forward
In the grammatical structure 'look + forward + to + verb', the verb 'to' is used with the gerund: "to visiting".
to visit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
appealing sites which are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
related. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
economy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and create job opportunities.

Public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
such as education, health care, electricity,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
road network, clean water and other basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
are necessities which
also
requires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
financing. The citizens deserve reformed education, equipped hospitals which are part of the social amenities provided by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
Therefore
, funding in these various sectors are
equally
essential for human survival.

In conclusion
, every sector in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is relevant and non is
The adjective 'more' is normally used with to and does not need 'more' (so called implicit comparative). Probably you need to write: "superior to".
more superior than
the other. Funds should
be disbursed
in each of them by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to ensure continuity of each one of them.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. ? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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