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Many animals are being hunted to the brink of extinction in order to fulfil the demand and greed of mankind for decorative purposes as well as for other reasons, such as traditional medicine. How can this issue be tackled v.1

Many animals are being hunted to the brink of extinction in order to fulfil the demand and greed of mankind for decorative purposes as well as for other reasons, such as traditional medicine. How can this issue be tackled v. 1
Hunting animals has become increasingly a major crux among most countries around the world. The number of vanished wildlives has been increased because people use these to produce luxury products and traditional medicine. This issue will be discussed in this essay along with some possible strategies that may be implemented to alleviate the problem. Different parts of the animals body help to create significant medicines and various things that people need. Animals body parts are being used by doctors to evolve new medicines and cure some hazardous diseases. Because people like to eat most of the animals meat and luxury items are produced from various animals' bodies, it encourages hunters to kill these animals. For instance, Australian government killed 10000 camels in the last month because the exported meats of the camels and earn a huge amount of money. These instances can bolster the existing concept that greed of the people is the main reason to hunt animals. The government and public should be pragmatic about the actions that will solve this issue. First and foremost, if government imposes strict rules against hunting animals, it will reduce wildlife trafficking. Apart from the administration masses should be more aware to save wildlife and use alternative way to produce luxury items. For example, wildlife help to make green atmosphere, which is conducive to protect the natural ecosystem. Overall, people reduce their greed and use alternative things for scientific research can tackle this issue easily. In conclusion, there are many actions to alleviate the wildlife hunting. This essay discussed why extreme greed impels people to kill animals. This essay also suggested that this problem can be tackled by every citizens raise awareness of their surrounding.
Hunting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
has become
increasingly
a major crux among most countries around the world. The number of vanished
Possible spelling mistake found.
wildlives
has
been increased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these to produce luxury products and traditional medicine. This issue will
be discussed
in this essay along with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible strategies that may
be implemented
to alleviate the problem.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
parts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
body
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to create significant medicines and various things that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Animals
body parts are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by doctors to evolve new medicines and cure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hazardous diseases.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to eat most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
meat and luxury items
are produced
from various animals' bodies, it encourages hunters to kill these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
For instance
, Australian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
killed 10000 camels in the last month
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the exported meats of the camels and earn a huge amount of money. These instances can bolster the existing concept that greed of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is the main reason to hunt animals.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and public should be pragmatic about the actions that will solve this issue.
First
and foremost, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
imposes strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
against hunting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
trafficking. Apart from the administration masses should be more aware to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
alternative way to produce luxury items.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
green atmosphere, which is conducive to protect the natural ecosystem.
Overall
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their greed and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
alternative things for scientific research can tackle this issue
easily
.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
actions to alleviate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
hunting. This essay discussed why extreme greed impels
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to kill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. This essay
also
suggested that this problem can
be tackled
by every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "citizen"?
citizens
raise awareness of their surrounding.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many animals are being hunted to the brink of extinction in order to fulfil the demand and greed of mankind for decorative purposes as well as for other reasons, such as traditional medicine. How can this issue be tackled v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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