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many animals are becoming extint because of human activities. why is this happening and what should be done. v.4

many animals are becoming extint because of human activities. why is this happening and what should be done. v. 4
In this era of latest technology, there are a lot of drastic changes in universe. It has been seen recently that many species of animals are seen less and less everyday. These huge changes in universe equelibrium are believed to be as a result of human inventions. There are many reasons for this big change. This essay will elaborate some well seen causes with reasonable solutions. Firstly, one of the obvious reason of depletion of wild life is pollution. With the tremendous rise of population and industrialization there are negative impacts on animal kingdom. There is loss of forests and not enough space for animals to survive. For example, it is noticed that cities are connected and there is no free land for animals. This issue can be solved by the development of proper city plans. There should be promotion of development of green belt area. This way there will be more survival of animals. Secondly, one of other reason for extinction of many animals is use of firearms and weapons. In many countries there is no rules for hunting. With the easy availability of firearms many people do hunting without any reason. For example in some countries it is a leisure to hunt deers. Due to this reason there is shortage of different species of deers. For this now in certain countries t like Canada there is obligation to get license for hunting. This way it is better way to save mother nature. In conclusion it is strongly recommended to safe animal kingdom. Social media should promote safety of animal life. For a healthy enviorment it is important to stay close of nature.
In this era of
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
technology, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
drastic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in universe. It has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
recently that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
species of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
less and less
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
. These huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in universe
Possible spelling mistake found.
equelibrium
are believed
to be
as a result
of human inventions. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. This essay will elaborate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
well
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
causes with reasonable solutions.

Firstly
, one of the obvious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
of depletion of wild life is pollution. With the tremendous rise of population and industrialization there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
kingdom. There is loss of forests and not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
space for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to survive.
For example
, it
is noticed
that cities
are connected
and there is no free land for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. This issue can
be solved
by the development of proper city plans. There should be promotion of development of green belt area. This way there will be more survival of animals.

Secondly
, one of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for extinction of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of firearms and weapons. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries there is no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
for hunting. With the easy availability of firearms
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go hunting".
do hunting
without any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
.
For example
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries it is a leisure to hunt
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "deer", the plural form of the noun 'deer'?
deers
. Due to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
there is shortage of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
species of
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "deer", the plural form of the noun 'deer'?
deers
. For this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
in certain countries
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
t


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
like
Canada there is obligation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
license for hunting. This way it is
Please check whether an article is missing: "a better".
better
way to save mother nature.

In
The comma is probably missing here: "conclusion, it".
conclusion it
is
strongly
recommended to safe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
kingdom. Social media should promote safety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
life. For a healthy
Possible spelling mistake found.
enviorment
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to stay close of nature.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes

IELTS essay many animals are becoming extint because of human activities. why is this happening and what should be done. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
274 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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