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main points and examples from the talk, describe the two major systems of the laboratory microscope, and then explain how to use it. v.1

main points and examples from the talk, describe the two major systems of the laboratory microscope, and then explain how to use it. v. 1
In this era of rapid technological development, it is a hotly debated issue that whether the advancements in methods of entertainment, namely TV or computer, hold little value to the conventional ways like reading. From my point of view, I partly agree with this statement. On the one hand, it is conspicuous that spending time on a book may enhance cognitive skills of children. Owing to the lack of illustrative moving pictures and sound, children's reading books have to stimulate their creativity and imagination to comprehend the content of the works, thus boosting the development of their brain. A notable example of this is such fantasy books as Harry Potter. The magic and fantasy creatures described in this novel are what fosters the soul and imagination of millions of people around the world. On the other hand, spending time watching TV and playing computer games also has its own merits. Firstly, they are the source of numerous entertainments for the children nowadays. It is thanks to the multifunctional ability of modern devices that these modern inventions can relieve children of heavy pressure they have to face these days. With a computer or TV, for example, they can either listen to music or watch TV or do both of these things at the same time. Moreover, these digital devices also assist children with developing their social skills. This merit can be cultivated by children through cooperating with their friends by playing games like Minecraft. In conclusion, although reading a book can afford children with a myriad of advantages, watching TV and playing computer games still play an important role in the children’s growth.
In this era of rapid technological development, it is a
hotly
debated issue that whether the advancements in methods of entertainment,
namely
TV or computer, hold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
value to the conventional ways like reading. From my point of view, I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

On the one hand, it is conspicuous that spending time on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
may enhance cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Owing to the lack of illustrative moving pictures and sound, children's reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
stimulate their creativity and imagination to comprehend the content of the works,
thus
boosting the development of their brain. A notable example of this is such fantasy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
as Harry Potter. The magic and fantasy creatures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
in this novel are what fosters the soul and imagination of millions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around the world.

On the other hand
, spending time watching TV and playing computer games
also
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
merits.
Firstly
, they are the source of numerous entertainments for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
nowadays. It is thanks to the multifunctional ability of modern devices that these modern inventions can relieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of heavy pressure they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face these days. With a computer or TV,
for example
, they can either listen to music or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV or do both of these things at the same time.
Moreover
, these digital devices
also
assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with developing their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. This merit can
be cultivated
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
through cooperating with their friends by playing games like Minecraft.

In conclusion
, although reading a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
can afford
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with a myriad of advantages, watching TV and playing computer games
still
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
growth.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay main points and examples from the talk, describe the two major systems of the laboratory microscope, and then explain how to use it. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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