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Longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives. In what ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make? v.10

Longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives. In what ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make? v. 10
Generally speaking that older generation over sixty-five years old can do certain activities and can contribute to a great extent. I am quite sure that they could participate in some activities not only in the formal range but also in the informal area. I will outline two ways in which people can get benefits of this interest. Becoming involved in family’s special occasions is one of the ways in which the elderly can contribute. The woman older relatives could share the recipes of traditional meals and the men could share their opinions and interests in traditional games that they used to play in the past. Hence, the younger relatives will be happier because they might feel more complete. The marriage couple could get some tips on how to build a happy family from them. Gathering with whole family members can increase happiness. Another way is the elderly can participate in the school. For instance, the school can contact local retired people for sharing their experience to pupils. I am quite sure that the children will be fascinated by the older people’s story about the circumstances in the past. They could give information about the vital links between previous live and present time. On the other hand, children can ask their grandparents for replacing their parents, due to families now more mobile, on career days. Some professions like teaching, research, writing, mentoring requires experience and the older people can contribute in these professions. For instance, an old professor can be a great resource for the research department in a college or university. In short, the older generation can bring some benefits to society. As our life expectancy improves, the need for the older generation' s contribution also should be increased. Making elderly more active in society not only bring positive impact for them, but also for the young generation. [ Written by - Nurul Izzah ]
Generally
speaking that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
generation over sixty-five years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
can do certain activities and can contribute to a great extent. I am quite sure that they could participate in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the formal range
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in the informal area. I will outline two ways in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefits of this interest.

Becoming involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family’s
special occasions is one of the ways in which the elderly can contribute. The woman
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
relatives could share the recipes of traditional meals and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
could share their opinions and interests in traditional games that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to play in the past.
Hence
, the younger relatives will be happier
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they might feel more complete. The marriage couple could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tips on how to build a happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
from them. Gathering with whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members can increase happiness.

Another way is the elderly can participate in the school.
For instance
, the school can contact local retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for sharing their experience to pupils. I am quite sure that the children will
be fascinated
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
story about the circumstances in the past. They could give information about the vital links between previous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and present time.
On the other hand
, children can ask their grandparents for replacing their parents, due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
more mobile, on career days.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
professions like teaching, research, writing, mentoring requires experience and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can contribute in these professions.
For instance
, an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
professor can be a great resource for the research department in a college or university.

In short, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
generation can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits to society. As our life expectancy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
, the need for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
Possible spelling mistake found.
generation&
#039; s contribution
also
should
be increased
. Making elderly more active in society not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact for them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the young generation.

Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
[
Written by
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nurul
Possible spelling mistake found.
Izzah
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
]
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives. In what ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make? v. 10

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
314 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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