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Some people believe that companies should hire only male staff. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that companies should hire only male staff. v. 1
The selection of appropriate staff has always been a daunting task for the companies. It is often argued that organizations should recruit only male staff. I completely agree with this notion, not only because men have more time that can be devoted to the organization and travel a lot on a business trip, but also because they can overcome their emotional issues at the workplace. This essay will explore how these factors justify my opinion. Firstly, the factor that compelled me to agree with the statement is that males can spare more time for the office. As the earning responsibility lies in males in contrast to females, who have to do the task of children’s upbringing at home, they can run extra miles in the office to do overtime which is beneficial for the company. Take an example of a company IBN Australia, which claims that half of the male staff do overtime at the office, which resulted in an increase in the company’s business to many-folds. Thus, appointing male staff beget a lot of benefits for the company. Secondly, to expand business in the international market, the staff is required to attend meetings with the international delegates in other countries. Since males are not bound with their house-hold chores and family matters, they are able to travel for long distances. For instance, the Nestle company in Norway, asked their staff to pay visits to third-world countries, the majority of the females were reluctant to travel for a longer duration of time. Thus, the male staff is used as a tool to augment business in different nations. Finally, women are more prone to psychological issues due to which they cannot concentrate at work. However, psychologists say that males have the potential to control stress-related emotions, and they can do the job more efficiently as compared to females. To sum up, I completely agree with this statement. Not only because males have plenty of time to work, and can travel without worries, but also because of their psychological capabilities.
The selection of appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
has always been a daunting task for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that organizations should recruit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that can
be devoted
to the organization and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
a lot on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
trip,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can overcome their emotional issues at the workplace. This essay will explore how these factors justify my opinion.

Firstly
, the factor that compelled me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
can spare more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for the office. As the earning responsibility lies in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
in contrast
to females, who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do the task of children’s upbringing at home, they can run extra miles in the office to do overtime which is beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. Take an example of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
Possible spelling mistake found.
IBN
Australia, which claims that half of the male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
do overtime at the office, which resulted in an increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
-folds.
Thus
, appointing male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
beget
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

Secondly
, to expand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
in the international market, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
is required
to attend meetings with the international delegates in other countries. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
are not bound with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
-hold chores and family matters, they are able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
for long distances.
For instance
, the Nestle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
in Norway, asked their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
to pay visits to third-world countries, the majority of the females were reluctant to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
for a longer duration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Thus
, the male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a tool to augment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations.

Finally
, women are more prone to psychological issues due to which they cannot concentrate at work.
However
, psychologists say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
have the potential to control
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-related emotions, and they can do the job more
efficiently
as compared to females.

To sum up, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to work, and can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
without worries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their psychological capabilities.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people believe that companies should hire only male staff. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
338 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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