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Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social and practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.2

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social and practical problems. with this statement? v. 2
Whether or not speaking a foreign language while living in a particular is responsible for the social and practical dilemma, has become a controversial issue. While some individuals believe it has its negative impacts. I, however, think that it is socially advantageous, but practically it can give rise to the problematic situation. According to the social perspective, undeniably, if a person speaks the language of the country, then he will feel connected with the local people. In addition, it ultimately helps in the smooth adjustment in the strange region. For instance, there are certain possibilities that an individual may lag behind others, in case, he has no knowledge regarding the nation, in which, he is residing. As a result, despite having skills, he will not be able to get the required job. Thus it is vital for an individual to possess the foreign linguistic skills. On the contrary, there are some drawbacks from a practical point of view. First of all, this would probably destroy their native culture and the next generation, perhaps, may be deprived of their own culture and traditions. Since during their stay in the foreign nations, they would adopt their culture, which in turn, will take them away from own cultural backgrounds. For example, a citizen of India, who is a resident of the USA for about 20years, his children will hardly have any idea pertaining to the Indian culture. In this way, the practical aspects of speaking a foreign language are considered negative To conclude, few individuals opine that speaking the language of the foreigners prove havoc in the social and practical life. Although, I believe that it is beneficial from the social perspective, whereas it has its adverse effects practically.
Consider shortening this phrase to just "Whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
Whether or not
speaking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
while living in a particular is responsible for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
dilemma, has become a controversial issue.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
believe it has its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts. I,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is
socially
advantageous,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
practically
it can give rise to the problematic situation.

According to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
perspective,
undeniably
, if a person speaks the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
of the country, then he will feel connected with the local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
In addition
, it
ultimately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in the smooth adjustment in the strange region.
For instance
, there are certain possibilities that an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
may lag behind others, in case, he has no knowledge regarding the nation, in which, he is residing.
As a result
, despite having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, he will not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the required job.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
it is vital for an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
to possess the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
linguistic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

On the contrary
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
point of view.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, this would
probably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
their native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and the
next
generation, perhaps, may
be deprived
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and traditions. Since during their stay in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
nations, they would adopt their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, which in turn, will take them away from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cultural backgrounds.
For example
, a citizen of India, who is a resident of the USA for about 20years, his children will hardly have any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
pertaining to the Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. In this way, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
aspects of speaking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
are considered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative


To conclude
, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
opine that speaking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
of the foreigners prove havoc in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
life. Although, I believe that it is beneficial from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
perspective, whereas it has its adverse effects
practically
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social and practical problems. with this statement? v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
286 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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