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Topic: The use of mobile phone is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so mobile phone should be banned like smoking. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Topic: The use of mobile phone is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so mobile phone should be banned like smoking. v. 2
Thanks to the development of technology that the use of mobile phones has increased significantly in recent decades. Although this up-to-date device causes as many adverse social impacts as smoking, it should not be banned in public places for many reasons. The motive why mobile phones should not be permitted in various places is that it provides sustainable benefits. First, a cell phone is a means of telecommunication. Without it, people cannot keep in touch with their families, peers or even their long-distance relationship. Indeed, a mobile phone is also an essential tool for human’s business. Online transportation services like Grab, Uber, Go Jek and the like cannot survive if there is no use of this technological tool. Moreover, users experience great benefits from updated apps from mobile phones as well. There are numerous entertainment services, online learning apps or also useful gadgets which are free or just cost a few bucks. Hardly can a busy manager remember all of his tasks or appointments without the help from his phone’s reminding app. Therefore, a mobile phone is an important device in human life which should be allowed to use in almost every place. Admittedly, it could be said that smoking causes more harm than mobile phones. Smoking not only has adverse effects on the person who smokes but also has bad influences on surrounding people, especially pregnant women and children. As a result, smokers and secondhand ones can have lung cancer or throat cancer after a long period. However, there is no harm in using mobile phones. In fact, users can choose to use their device or not since they can turn it off or just disconnect to the Internet connection. In conclusion, the idea of banning mobile phones should not be implemented because they are not as detrimental to society as smoking. People should use mobile phones wisely to make use off at their useful function.
Thanks to the development of technology that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
has increased
significantly
in recent decades. Although this up-to-date device causes as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adverse social impacts as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
, it should not
be banned
in public places for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons.

The motive why mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
should not
be permitted
in various places is that it provides sustainable benefits.
First
, a cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is a means of telecommunication. Without it,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with their families, peers or even their long-distance relationship.
Indeed
, a mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is
also
an essential tool for human’s business. Online transportation services like Grab, Uber, Go
Possible spelling mistake found.
Jek
and the like cannot survive if there is no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of this technological tool.
Moreover
, users experience great benefits from updated apps from mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
as well
. There are numerous entertainment services, online learning apps or
also
useful gadgets which are free or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
cost a few bucks. Hardly can a busy manager remember all of his tasks or appointments without the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone’s
reminding app.
Therefore
, a mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
device in human life which should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in almost every place.

Admittedly
, it could
be said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
causes more harm than mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Smoking
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
has adverse effects on the person who smokes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influences on surrounding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
pregnant women and children.
As a result
, smokers and secondhand ones can have lung cancer or throat cancer after a long period.
However
, there is no harm in using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
. In fact, users can choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their device or not since they can turn it off or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
disconnect to the Internet connection.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of banning mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
should not
be implemented
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not as detrimental to society as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
wisely
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
off at their useful function.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Topic: The use of mobile phone is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so mobile phone should be banned like smoking. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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