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Levels of youth crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world. What are the reasons for this, and suggest some solutions. v.11

Levels of youth crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world. What are the reasons for this, and suggest some solutions. v. 11
Peaceful life is a basic need of any society and without getting control over crimes, it cannot be achieved. Nowadays, ratio of crimes is significantly increasing; therefore, several factors are involved in this increasing trend of crime. Here, I will discuss the main reasons and give solution how it can be reduced. The major cause of this worst trend is violence in movies which is a main attraction for young brains and sometimes youngsters do commit crime as an adventure by getting inspiration from movies. Secondly, video games are also equally responsible where teenagers involved in crime, because in video games, fighting and use of weapons are frequently showed and it influences youngsters to do the same thing in real life which is quite harmful. Furthermore, rate of unemployment is another reason which compels people to commit crimes like robbery, pick-pocket and snatching. For example, in my office, there was an office boy who was very hard and supporting his family, but unfortunately, due to downsizing he was terminated and after few months I read in the news paper that he was involved in a bank robbery and arrested by police. It is really hard to eliminate crime in society, but the amount of crime can be reduced by creating awareness. Authorities cans organize seminars to educate parents about how they can prevent their children from committing crimes. Additionally, we can involve youngsters in positive activities like sports that can be beneficial in reducing crime. Furthermore, strong implementation of laws will definitely do things to deal with crime positively, because without fear of punishment, dream of peaceful society will not be true. In conclusion, violence in movies, projection of crime in video games and unemployment are major reasons of increasing criminal activities in society. Therefore, serious steps should be taken as I mentioned above for reducing this trend.
Peaceful life is a basic need of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and without getting control over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, it cannot
be achieved
. Nowadays, ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
is
significantly
increasing;
therefore
, several factors
are involved
in this increasing trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. Here, I will discuss the main reasons and give solution how it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.

The major cause of this worst trend is violence in movies which is a main attraction for young brains and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
youngsters do commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
as an adventure by getting inspiration from movies.
Secondly
, video games are
also
equally
responsible where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in video games, fighting and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of weapons are
frequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
and it influences youngsters to do the same thing in real life which is quite harmful.
Furthermore
, rate of unemployment is another reason which compels
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
like robbery, pick-pocket and snatching.
For example
, in my office, there was an office boy who was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and supporting his family,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
unfortunately, due to downsizing he
was terminated
and after few months I read in the
This word is normally spelled as one.
news paper
that he
was involved
in a bank robbery and arrested by police.

It is
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to eliminate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by creating awareness.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "authority cans".
Authorities cans
organize seminars to educate parents about how they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
their children from committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
Additionally
, we can involve youngsters in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
activities like sports that can be beneficial in reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
Furthermore
, strong implementation of laws will definitely do things to deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
positively
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
without fear of punishment, dream of peaceful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
will not be true.

In conclusion
, violence in movies, projection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in video games and unemployment are major reasons of increasing criminal activities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Therefore
, serious steps should
be taken
as I mentioned above for reducing this trend.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Levels of youth crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world. What are the reasons for this, and suggest some solutions. v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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