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A company has announced to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the decision? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

A company has announced to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the decision? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
I my society, unemployment is the biggest problem. 50 percent of people are unemployed and the other half is, do not get paid well. A company is announced to build a large factory near my community, this will prove beneficial for the my society in terms of getting a job, improving lifestyle, and it will also help in providing a better infrastructure then now. First and foremost, people get job from factory. they will make money from it. For instance, In my city, a Information technology company inaugurated an office of their company, so my home town students which are qualify for that positions, now get a job easily. These days do not have to go to another state for finding a job. Therefore my city unemployment condition getting decrease in an information technology field as well as some other people also get job like peon, watch man, caretaker etc. so, this is very good news for my city in terms of increase the employment percentage. Secondly, factory also play an important role to increase life style. For instance, In my city, now people are very attracted toward to make a career in information technology. And it helps in improving lifestyle. people are going to get a degree in information technology and as well as in other field because they hope that one they will got a job and life related problem will get less. Children going to school and they prefer to wear a clean cloth and they know different languages and culture which help them to make a good personality and act like civilise person. Last but not least, factory help to increase the infrastructures directly or indirectly. For example, they help in make road hospitals and school, which is very useful for the local community. In addition to this, they also make awareness through their Trust and NGOs and founded them, which is also make a community to keep a benefited. For instance, plantation and dustbin distribution and teach them how to keep clean the society. In all the advantages above, there is also another side of the factory. For example, factory make air pollution and water pollution which impact community life drastically. but from the intelligently management this will make a less impactful. From the above reasons and examples, I strongly believe that factory will be prove beneficials for the society.
I my society, unemployment is the biggest problem. 50 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unemployed
and the other half is, do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
paid well. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
is announced
to build a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
near my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
, this will prove beneficial for
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "my society" or "the society"?
the my society
in terms of getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, improving lifestyle, and it will
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in providing a better infrastructure then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
money from it.
For instance
, In my city,
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
inaugurated an office of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
my home town students which are
Consider using a past participle here: "qualified".
qualify
for that positions,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
easily
. These days do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to another state for finding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
my city unemployment condition getting decrease in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
field
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
like peon,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
, caretaker etc.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
news for my city in terms of increase the employment percentage.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
also
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role to increase life style.
For instance
, In my city,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
attracted toward to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a career in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. And it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in improving lifestyle.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
are going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a degree in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and
as well
as in other field
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they hope that one they will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "get"
got
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and life related problem will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
less. Children going to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
school and
they prefer to wear a clean
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
cloth and
they know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
languages and culture which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
personality and act like
Possible spelling mistake. 'civilise' is British English.
civilise
person.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to increase the infrastructures
directly
or
indirectly
.
For example
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
road hospitals and school, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful for the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
.
In addition
to this, they
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
awareness through their Trust and NGOs and founded them, which is
also
Consider using a past participle here: "made".
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a benefited.
For instance
, plantation and dustbin distribution and teach them how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
clean the society.

In all the advantages above, there is
also
another side of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
air pollution and water pollution which impact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
life
drastically
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
but
from the
intelligently
management this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a less impactful.

From the above reasons and examples, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
will be
Consider using the past participle "proved", "proven"?
prove
Possible spelling mistake found.
beneficials
for the society.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
43Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes

IELTS essay A company has announced to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the decision? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
395 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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