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Learning English at schools is often seen as more important than learning local languages. If these are not taught, may are at risk of dying out. In your opinion, is it important for everyone to learn English? Should we try to ensure the survival of local v.1

Learning English at schools is often seen as more important than learning local languages. If these are not taught, may are at risk of dying out. In your opinion, is it important for everyone to learn English? Should we try to ensure the survival of local v. 1
New information and communication technology have impacted majority of the world population. While it is believed that most of humans have gained from this advancement in communications, it is also assumed that others did not have the same advantage. I am of the understanding that people in urban local localities have benefited from it while it remains underutilized in rural parts Advancement in communication methods has surely worked in favour of a vast amount of people living in cities and it would not be incorrect to state that it has become an integral part of urban life. Right from paying house bills, shopping at mobile phone to having business video conferences, internet has its presence in each sphere of life. For example, before the advent of mobile phones, it was a frightening experience for long hours before a truck phone could be booked. In addition, it was an expensive deal. However, with the rise of internet and ever dropping tariffs, contacting to anyone in the world is just a click away. Emails and instant messaging applications have made post mail a thing of the past. Therefore, without any doubt, people across the varying categories of students, businessmen, governments and common man are making a use out of new age ways to interact. Having said that, it is also true that inhabitants of rural areas are yet to effectively make the best out of modern communications. While accessibility remains one of the major reasons behind this, low literacy rate in rural areas has contributed as well in a low percentage of people using new communicating methods. For example, people in villages are not unable to use most of the banking applications for their transactions due to illiteracy. Therefore, it is safe to conclude that except for rural areas, the majority of the population is making hay while the sun is shining in the technological area of communications. Technical companies and governments should work together to encourage the rural segment to utilize the benefits to its fullest.
New information and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
technology have impacted
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
the world population. While it
is believed
that
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the humans") or simply say "most humans".
most of humans
have gained from this advancement in communications, it is
also
assumed that others did not have the same advantage. I am of the understanding that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in urban local localities have benefited from it while it remains underutilized in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
parts


Advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
methods has
surely
worked in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of a vast amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in cities and it would not be incorrect to state that it has become an integral part of urban life. Right from paying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
bills, shopping at mobile phone to having business video conferences, internet has its presence in each sphere of life.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the advent of mobile phones, it was a frightening experience for long hours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a truck phone could
be booked
.
In addition
, it was an expensive deal.
However
, with the rise of internet and ever dropping tariffs, contacting to anyone in the world is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a click away. Emails and instant messaging applications have made post mail a thing of the past.
Therefore
, without any doubt,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
across the varying categories of students, businessmen,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
are making a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
out of new age ways to interact.

Having said that, it is
also
true that inhabitants of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are
yet
to
effectively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the best out of modern communications. While accessibility remains one of the major reasons behind this, low literacy rate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
has contributed
as well
in a low percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
using new communicating methods.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in villages are not unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
most of the banking applications for their transactions due to illiteracy.

Therefore
, it is safe
to conclude
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, the majority of the population is making hay while the sun is shining in the technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
of communications. Technical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should work together to encourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
segment to utilize the benefits to its fullest.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Learning English at schools is often seen as more important than learning local languages. If these are not taught, may are at risk of dying out. In your opinion, is it important for everyone to learn English? Should we try to ensure the survival of local v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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