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Leaders and directors in an organization are normally older people. Some people think younger leader would be better. Do you agree or disagree? v.4

Leaders and directors in an organization are normally older people. Some people think younger leader would be better. v. 4
It is true that higher positions are prevalently held by aging members in many organizations These days. While some people believe younger people would demonstrate better Leadership, it is in my opinion that senior managers possess more advantages over the young in leading a company. To begin with, it is usually difficult for the young to compete with the old in terms of Experience. Those who have gained adequate experience can more effectively manage to lead the individuals of an organization than those who do not. The reason for this is that business matters often require the people in charge to have not only the knowledge of Coping with problematic situations, but also strong nerves to calmly find a feasible solution. As a result, years of experience in a relevant position tend to make the elderly better Candidates than those who are relatively young and new to the tasks. Another advantage belonging to aged people is that they are likely to receive more support From the people in an organization. As the time spent working with the staff of the senior Is often longer, they can understand their colleagues better, achieving more popularity. It Is interpersonal communication skills and approval of other people that can tremendously Affect the success of a leader. Younger members, on the other hand, will need more time To make contributions over time to prove themselves worthy. In conclusion, I believe that critical positions of authority should be given to senior staff Members for the certain reasons mentioned rather than the young.
It is true that higher positions are
Possible spelling mistake found.
prevalently
held by aging members in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
organizations

These days.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would demonstrate
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
better


Leadership, it is in my opinion that senior managers possess more advantages over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
in leading a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is
usually
difficult for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
to compete with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
in terms of

Experience. Those who have gained adequate experience can more
effectively
manage to lead the individuals of an organization than those who do not.
The reason for this is
that business matters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
require the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in charge to have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the knowledge
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
of


Coping with problematic situations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
strong nerves to
calmly
find a feasible solution.

As a result
, years of experience in a relevant position tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the elderly better

Candidates than those who are
relatively
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
and new to the tasks.

Another advantage belonging to aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
that they are likely to receive more support

From the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in an organization.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
the time spent working with the staff of the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
senior


Is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
longer, they can understand their colleagues better, achieving more popularity. It

Is interpersonal communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and approval of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that can
tremendously


Affect the success of a leader. Younger members,
on the other hand
, will need more
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
time


To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
contributions over time to prove themselves worthy.

In conclusion
, I believe that critical positions of authority should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to senior staff

Members for the certain reasons mentioned
rather
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Leaders and directors in an organization are normally older people. Some people think younger leader would be better. v. 4

Essay
  American English
16 paragraphs
256 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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