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Last year you attended a presentation skill course at the Sydney College of Australia. Your new employer has asked you to provide copies of your reports and assignments as quickly as possible. Write a letter to the director of the school. In your letter, e v.1

Last year you attended a presentation skill course at the Sydney College of Australia. Your new employer has asked you to provide copies of your reports and assignments as quickly as possible. Write a letter to the director of the school. In your letter, e v. 1
Thanks to globalisation, multinational conglomerates have entered the local markets. They have huge marketing budgets to promote their products and attract buyers. Unfortunately, the aggressive marketing strategies employed by big conglomerates lead to the demise of local shops. However, local store owners can counter this attack by improving the quality of their products and offering personalised services. Global business giants now have their outlets even in small villages. Since they offer huge discounts on most products, they can easily attract buyers. At first glance, this may seem beneficial for the customers, but it really is not. The presence of international retailers in the local market hurts local businesses and thus the local economy. For example, many local artisans have lost their livelihood because their products have no buyers. Instead of buying their handmade products, people now prefer to buy the factory made goods that look more attractive. If local people lose their livelihood, eventually the purchasing power of the local community will diminish. The only way for local businesses to compete with international giants is to offer personalised services. While it is true that local traders cannot offer the kind of discounts or offers that multinational giants offer, they know their customers better. It is also possible for them to understand the exact needs of their target group. This knowledge actually puts them in a better position to cater to the specific needs of their buyers. In addition to this, the local businessmen should try to improve the quality of their products. This is essential to ensure that their customers will return. The government also needs to intervene and prevent multinational giants from entering certain sectors. To conclude, when international companies woo local customers with great discounts and offers, the local economy suffers the most. However, local businessmen can overcome this threat by offering customized solutions to their buyers.
Thanks to
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
, multinational conglomerates have entered the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
markets. They have huge marketing budgets to promote their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buyers
. Unfortunately, the aggressive marketing strategies employed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
conglomerates lead to the demise of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
shops.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
store owners can counter this attack by improving the quality of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and offering
Possible spelling mistake. 'personalised' is British English.
personalised
services.

Global business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have their outlets even in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
villages. Since they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offer
huge discounts on most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, they can
easily
attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buyers
. At
first
glance, this may seem beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
really
is not. The presence of international retailers in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
market hurts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
businesses and
thus
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
economy.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
artisans have lost their livelihood
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buyers
.
Instead
of buying their handmade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the factory made
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
that look more attractive. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
lose their livelihood,
eventually
the purchasing power of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
community will diminish.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
businesses to compete with international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giants
is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offer
Possible spelling mistake. 'personalised' is British English.
personalised
services. While it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
traders cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offer
the kind of discounts or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offers
that multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giants
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offer
, they know their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
better. It is
also
possible for them to understand the exact needs of their target group. This knowledge actually puts them in a better position to cater to the specific needs of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buyers
.
In addition
to this, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
businessmen should try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. This is essential to ensure that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
will return. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
also
needs to intervene and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giants
from entering certain sectors.

To conclude
, when international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
woo
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
with great discounts and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offers
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
economy suffers the most.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
businessmen can overcome this threat by offering customized solutions to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buyers
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Last year you attended a presentation skill course at the Sydney College of Australia. Your new employer has asked you to provide copies of your reports and assignments as quickly as possible. Write a letter to the director of the school. In your letter, e v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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