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Large shopping malls are replacing small shops. What is your opinion about this? v.7

Large shopping malls are replacing small shops. What is your opinion about this? v. 7
It is true that the numbers of large malls have increased rapidly in the past few years, and many people believe that they are replacing the traditional shops. I personally feel that there should be some clear regulations about the design of malls in each city; therefore the existence of these shopping malls will not replace the small shops. It is a fact that many large shopping malls are built in big cities these days, such as in Singapore, Jakarta or Tokyo. These giant malls offer various kinds of shops in one place; therefore people should not have to go to different places when they are looking for their needs. Then, these shopping malls are also equipped with air conditioner, so visitors will feel comfortable when they walk around the malls. And lastly, these shopping malls also being managed and monitored by security guards, therefore many people feel safe walking around in these malls. However, despite all the benefits of these large shopping centres, the existence of these shopping malls has some negative effects on small shops. Many property developers are building their malls near a traditional market, which affected the sales of many small and traditional shops. As more people choose to go to large shopping malls, the numbers of people who purchase at small shops become lesser and lesser each day. As a consequence, many of these shops owners have to close their business or have to reduce the number of employees. In conclusion, the number of mega malls is increasing these days, and some people believe that they will replace traditional markets. I personally believe that the existence of shopping malls will boost the economic growth of the city, but small shops also create many jobs opportunities as well. So it is the government task to make some strict regulations about the city’s layout, therefore the existence of large shopping malls and small shops will be appropriate.
It is true that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
have increased
rapidly
in the past few years, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that they are replacing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
. I
personally
feel that there should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
regulations about the design of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
in each city;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
existence
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
will not replace the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
shops.

It is a fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
are built
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
these days, such as in Singapore, Jakarta or Tokyo. These giant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
offer various kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
in one place;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places when they are looking for their needs. Then, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
are
also
equipped with air conditioner,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
visitors will feel comfortable when they walk around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
. And
lastly
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
also
being managed
and monitored by security guards,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel safe walking around in these malls.

However
, despite all the benefits of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
existence
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
property developers are building their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
near a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
market, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the sales of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
. As more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
become lesser and lesser each day. As a consequence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
owners
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
close their business or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of employees.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of mega
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
is increasing these days, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that they will replace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
markets. I
personally
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
existence
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
will boost the economic growth of the city,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
also
create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
jobs opportunities
as well
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
task to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strict regulations about the city’s layout,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
existence
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
will be appropriate.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
65Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Large shopping malls are replacing small shops. What is your opinion about this? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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