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Junk/Street Food is the most affordable meal for the working class. But health problems due to rampant and uncontrolled consumption are being compounded. It has therefore become imperative for governments to impose a higher tax on them. To what extent do you agree to this arrangement by the government? Give your opinion. v.1

Junk/Street Food is the most affordable meal for the working class. But health problems due to rampant and uncontrolled consumption are being compounded. It has therefore become imperative for governments to impose a higher tax on them. Give your opinion. v. 1
While the severity and number of health problems caused by the excessive consumption of unhealthy feed have amplified, I disagree that levying higher tax alone on these affordable foods would push people towards healthier eating. In my essay, I would discuss the impact of such initiative by the government on the consumers and alternate measures that could be more effective. Firstly, imposing an increased tax rate on convenience foods would make them too expensive to poor people, forcing them to cook meals at home. While this might increase their nutritional intake, it would augment their miseries economically, since, the fresh, nutritious meal is not easily available or pocket friendly. Secondly, the fast-paced modern world has compelled individuals to seek comfort in packaged foods. Increase in the cost of such detrimental alternates, would not inspire them to change their lifestyle, rather it would make all types of foodstuff become high-priced, affordable only by the rich. For instance, when the price of onions hiked in India, poor economized on their intake, but rich continued without any notable change in their consumption. On the other hand, it would be more effective if the government warrants healthier alternatives to be more economical and accessible. Therefore, tax free nutritional substances and their mass production to meet the demand might be a massive step towards achieving better health in the community. Similarly, establishments should ensure that canteens in schools, colleges and offices provide cost-effective nutritive diet, so that, relying on their alternatives is minimized. For instance, Akshaya Patra midday meals at schools has ensured children’s nourishment while safeguarding them from the hazards of cheap processed snack. To conclude, heavy taxes on junk foods will only deter the low-income groups from buying them. Instead, governments should invest more in wholesome school lunches and making healthy products widely available at nominal cost to attack the problem at its root source.
While the severity and number of health problems caused by the excessive consumption of unhealthy feed have amplified, I disagree that levying higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
alone on these affordable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
would push
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
towards healthier eating. In my essay, I would discuss the impact of such initiative by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
on the consumers and alternate measures that could be more effective.

Firstly
, imposing an increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
rate on convenience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them too expensive to poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, forcing them to cook meals at home. While this might increase their nutritional intake, it would augment their miseries
economically
, since, the fresh, nutritious meal is not
easily
available or pocket friendly.
Secondly
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced modern world has compelled individuals to seek comfort in packaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. Increase in the cost of such detrimental alternates, would not inspire them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their lifestyle,
rather
it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
all types of foodstuff become high-priced, affordable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by the rich.
For instance
, when the price of onions hiked in India, poor economized on their intake,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
rich continued without any notable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in their consumption.

On the other hand
, it would be more effective if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
warrants healthier alternatives to be more economical and accessible.
Therefore
,
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
tax free
nutritional substances and their mass production to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the demand might be a massive step towards achieving better health in the community.
Similarly
, establishments should ensure that canteens in schools, colleges and offices provide cost-effective nutritive diet,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that, relying on their alternatives
is minimized
.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Akshaya
Possible spelling mistake found.
Patra
midday meals at schools has ensured children’s nourishment while safeguarding them from the hazards of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
processed snack.

To conclude
, heavy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
on junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
deter the low-income groups from buying them.
Instead
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should invest more in wholesome school lunches and making healthy products
widely
available at nominal cost to attack the problem at its root source.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Junk/Street Food is the most affordable meal for the working class. But health problems due to rampant and uncontrolled consumption are being compounded. It has therefore become imperative for governments to impose a higher tax on them. Give your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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