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It's generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for music and sport, and others are not. However, it's sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both ideas by giving your opinion. v.1

It's generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for music and sport, and others are not. However, it's sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. v. 1
There is no doubt that people who are at the top of their fields makes us wonder whether their greatness stems from the training or the genes. While some scholars argue that any youngster can be trained to become a good artist or player, I believe that many kids are born with a set of innate abilities to learn and excel in certain fields. On the one hand, believers of the training and education emphasize that many great sportspersons were not born that way. On the contrary, the opinion is, that such greats trained more than their peers and opponents. To illustrate, Sachin Tendulkar, who was one of the greatest cricketers of his time used to put in longest training hours than the others. Alternatively, if he had relied on the talent, he was born with, he would not have become such a great cricketer. However, I believe that some children are born with an ability to learn things faster than their group in some areas. Such kids usually end up with more curiosity and hunger to train in those fields. An Indian musician named A. R. Rehman is an excellent example of a gifted individual as he never trained in music, but, even then became one of the greatest musicians of all times. He, like many others, was always attracted to the field he had talent for, therefore, ended up by becoming the best in that vocation. Admittedly, such people, at times do not get lessons in music or sports, but, even then because of their talents found their way to the excellence. To summarize, there are children born with interest and potential for music or sports. These talents can be polished by teachings and trainings, but, on the other hand, someone with an aptitude for a different field cannot be taught to become a good musician or sportsman.
There is no doubt that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are at the top of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us wonder whether their greatness stems from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
or the genes. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
scholars argue that any youngster can
be trained
to become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
artist or player, I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kids
are born
with a set of innate abilities to learn and excel in certain fields.

On the one hand, believers of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
and education emphasize that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
great
Possible spelling mistake found.
sportspersons
were not born that way.
On the contrary
, the opinion is, that such greats trained more than their peers and opponents. To illustrate,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tendulkar
, who was one of the greatest cricketers of his time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to put in
A determiner is probably missing here: "the longest".
longest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
hours than the others.
Alternatively
, if he had relied on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
, he
was born
with, he would not have become such a great cricketer.

However
, I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
children
are born
with an ability to learn things faster than their group in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas. Such kids
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up with more curiosity and hunger to train in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
. An Indian musician named A. R.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rehman
is an excellent example of a gifted individual as he never trained in music,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, even then became one of the greatest musicians of all times. He, like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others, was always attracted to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
he had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
for,
therefore
, ended up by becoming the best in that vocation.
Admittedly
, such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, at times do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lessons in music or sports,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, even then
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
found their way to the excellence.

To summarize
, there are children born with interest and potential for music or sports. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
can
be polished
by teachings and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trainings
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
on the other hand
, someone with an aptitude for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
cannot
be taught
to become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
musician or sportsman.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay It's generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for music and sport, and others are not. However, it's sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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