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It the fact that television shows have significant impacts on our current society. While some people consider that a nation’s culture would be better if importing foreign shows, I believe that television producers should also provide local ones. v.1

It the fact that television shows have significant impacts on our current society. While some people consider that a nation’s culture would be better if importing foreign shows, I believe that television producers should also provide local ones. v. 1
Technology has improved by many-folds in the recent years, especially the internet. Although the web brings numerous benefits to everyone, there are several issues associated with the data, such as information control and data protection. This essay strongly agrees that disadvantages clearly overshadow the advantages. Firstly, this essay will discuss the how companies maintain monopoly over the peoples' data, and secondly will look at how website breaches are affecting the data security. To begin with, the majority of the social media websites, which are used by millions of people, are owned by the tech giants, and as a result, these organization own personal information of millions of its users. Moreover, this information is used and distributed in many ways, such as targeted advertising, and the consumers have no control over it whatsoever as they have already signed the user agreement. For example, a recent study by an Information Security Corporation, McAfee, reported that Facebook has sold its user data to several companies to generate millions in ad revenue. Furthermore, in recent years, there are more security breaches across the globe than ever before, and it increases the information security requirement to the maximum. These social media companies control all the user data and even a single breach can create social security threats. Moreover, the data collected from these websites contain peoples' personal and financial information, and are often circulated in the dark web for monetary benefits. Consequently, once leaked, this data can wreak a havoc in normal peoples' lives. For example, it was reported in the Times Now that the suicide rate has been increased by 3% in the past 5 years due to information breach. In conclusion, while the internet provides limitless access to unlimited information, I think that it also poses several threats because the data is managed by big corporations, and information breach is creating adverse effects on peoples' privacy and lives, which clearly outweigh the pros.
Technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
-folds in the recent years,
especially
the internet. Although the web brings numerous benefits to everyone, there are several issues associated with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
control and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
protection. This essay
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that disadvantages
clearly
overshadow the advantages.
Firstly
, this essay will discuss
Did you mean "how"?
the how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
maintain monopoly over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
, and
secondly
will look at how website
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
breaches
are affecting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
security.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the majority of the social media websites, which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by millions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
by the tech giants, and
as a result
,
Did you mean "this organization" or "these organizations"?
these organization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
of millions of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
.
Moreover
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
and distributed in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways, such as targeted advertising, and the consumers have no control over it whatsoever as they have already signed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
user
agreement.
For example
, a recent study by an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Security
Corporation, McAfee, reported that Facebook has sold its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
user
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
to several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to generate millions in ad revenue.

Furthermore
, in recent years, there are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
breaches
across the globe than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, and it increases the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
requirement to the maximum. These social media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
control all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
user
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
and even a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
breach
can create social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
threats.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
collected from these websites contain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples'
personal and financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, and are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
circulated in the dark web for monetary benefits.
Consequently
, once leaked, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
can wreak a havoc in normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For example
, it
was reported
in the Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
that the suicide rate has
been increased
by 3% in the past 5 years due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
breach.

In conclusion
, while the internet provides limitless access to unlimited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it
also
poses several threats
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
is managed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
corporations, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
breach
is creating adverse effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples'
privacy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, which
clearly
outweigh the pros.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay It the fact that television shows have significant impacts on our current society. While some people consider that a nation’s culture would be better if importing foreign shows, I believe that television producers should also provide local ones. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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