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It is wiser to use your money to gain meaningful experiences than to use it to acquire possessions. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

It is wiser to use your money to gain meaningful experiences than to use it to acquire possessions. v. 2
Many people choose to spend money on tangible things such as new clothes, the latest cell phone, or a new bicycle. Of course some of these items are necessities and should be prioritized. However, I would argue that many people waste money collecting things. The best use of extra money is creating memorable experiences. When I am old and look back on what I enjoyed about my life, I am confident that I will be much more nostalgic about the experiences I’ve had than the things that I’ve owned. This is because major life events--weddings, graduations, family gatherings, and conquering significant challenges--help to define who we are and what is unique about our lives. Most things we buy grow old, break, or go out of fashion, but memories remain as long as we can recall them. Therefore, if the choice is between buying a nice car, or taking a memorable family vacation, I believe the answer is clear; experiences create precious memories, while a car depreciates in value the day you drive it off the lot. Additionally, experiences can lead to growth in a way that purchasing things cannot. When I was in college, I used my savings to pay for a summer abroad in the Dominican Republic. I could have bought a lot of nice things with the money I used for tuition, travel, and lodging that summer, but I never regretted the choice. During my time abroad, I navigated a new country while using a new language. It was not an easy time, but it was very rewarding. The experience shaped me in important ways. Indeed, I have never owned a physical object that had such a profound effect on my life as the summer I spent in the Dominican Republic. People should spend money wisely. It would not be smart to go on an unaffordable vacation, or to take out a huge loan to pay for a wedding. Nevertheless, when choosing between spending extra money on things or on creating memories and experiences, I believe the latter is the wisest choice. In the end, it is our memories that hold the most enduring value.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
choose to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on tangible things such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
clothes, the latest cell phone, or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
bicycle.
Of course
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these items are necessities and should
be prioritized
.
However
, I would argue that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
waste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
collecting things. The best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is creating memorable experiences.

When I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and look back on what I enjoyed about my life, I am confident that I will be much more nostalgic about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
I’ve had than the things that I’ve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
major life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
--weddings, graduations, family gatherings, and conquering significant challenges--
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to define who we are and what is unique about our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Most things we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
grow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, break, or go out of fashion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
memories
remain as long as we can recall them.
Therefore
, if the choice is between buying a nice car, or taking a memorable family vacation, I believe the answer is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
create precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
memories
, while a car depreciates in value the day you drive it off the lot.

Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
can lead to growth in a way that purchasing things cannot. When I was in college, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
my savings to pay for a summer abroad in the Dominican Republic. I could have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
nice things with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for tuition, travel, and lodging that summer,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I never regretted the choice. During my time abroad, I navigated a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
country while using a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
language. It was not an easy time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rewarding. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
shaped me in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
ways.
Indeed
, I have never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
a physical object that had such a profound effect on my life as the summer I spent in the Dominican Republic.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
should spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
wisely
. It would not be smart to go on an unaffordable vacation, or to take out a huge loan to pay for a wedding.
Nevertheless
, when choosing between spending extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on things or on creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
memories
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
, I believe the latter is the wisest choice. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, it is our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
memories
that hold the most enduring value.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay It is wiser to use your money to gain meaningful experiences than to use it to acquire possessions. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
357 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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