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It is true that whilst many people use their public parks, this space could be used for young people or developing a business area to create jobs. Explain to what extent you agree or disagree with this statement. v.1

It is true that whilst many people use their public parks, this space could be used for young people or developing a business area to create jobs. Explain v. 1
While many people recognize the importance of public parks whereas some think that public gardens can be used for residential purposes or for building business empires to provide employment. Therefore, I completely disagree with the statement as public parks are necessary for the population. The gardens made for the public in the town or cities plays a vital role in the development of an economy as well as for the individual growth. The kids and the children visit parks to play and enjoy, where they also interact with other human beings. People often go to the gardens to walk, run and spend some time peacefully. Moreover, gardens and parks can make cities more visually attractive. If the space for the public grounds would be used for other purposes such as building homes for young people or creating business area to provide jobs, where will the people go who visit parks to play, enjoy or to have some fun? The houses can be built in the residential areas to provide accommodation for the young generation and moreover, the business empires can be constructed in the area provided for it. To conclude, public parks are necessary for the population as they have their fundamental rights, whereas this property of the public should not be used for any other purpose. To deal with the growing needs for land use, government should take other measures such as by making more suburb centres.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
recognize the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gardens
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for residential purposes or for building business empires to provide employment.
Therefore
, I completely disagree with the statement as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
are necessary for the population.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gardens
made for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
in the town or cities plays a vital role in the development of an economy
as well
as for the individual growth. The kids and the children visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
to play and enjoy, where they
also
interact with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
human beings.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gardens
to walk, run and spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time
peacefully
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gardens
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
cities more
visually
attractive.

If the space for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
grounds would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
purposes such as building homes for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or creating business area to provide jobs, where will the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go who visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
to play, enjoy or to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fun? The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
can
be built
in the residential areas to provide accommodation for the young generation and
moreover
, the business empires can
be constructed
in the area provided for it.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
are necessary for the population as they have their fundamental rights, whereas this property of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
purpose. To deal with the growing needs for land
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures such as by making more suburb
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay It is true that whilst many people use their public parks, this space could be used for young people or developing a business area to create jobs. Explain v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
238 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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