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Although many people value their public parks, this space could be better used for other purposes such as residential areas for the ever-growing population or to develop business and boost economies. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this? v.1

Although many people value their public parks, this space could be better used for other purposes such as residential areas for the ever-growing population or to develop business and boost economies. with this? v. 1
While many people recognize the importance of having access to public parks, others argue that this space could better serve communities by being used for housing or business developments. Although it is undeniable that such initiatives would create jobs and boost the local economy, I would argue that the green space in cities serves an equally important purpose in local people’s lives and that neighborhood parks can be maintained while also being used to generate revenue for cities. First of all, access to green space is essential for human happiness, and this is especially important in crowded cities. Parks offer people an escape from crowds and traffic which is beneficial to individuals’ health as well as to the well-being of a community. One could argue that having a collectively healthier and happier society would increase productivity in all facets of commerce and help create and maintain a robust and sustainable economy. Moreover, in addition to providing a place for people to relax, local parks can be used to generate revenue in several ways. Cities can use their parks to stage events such as art fairs and music festivals and allow local shops and restaurants to sell do business there during such events. This would directly benefit local businesses as well as bring the community together. City governments could also establish community gardens in their parks and rent individual plots to local residents. A project such as this would benefit the city economically while providing a community garden to supply a farmers’ market in the park. In conclusion, I strongly disagree with the argument that city parks would be better used as housing or commercial zones. My belief is that parks play an important role in human happiness and can also be used to boost local economies while creating a sense of community.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
recognize the importance of having access to public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
, others argue that this space could better serve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
by being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for housing or business developments. Although it is undeniable that such initiatives would create jobs and boost the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
economy, I would argue that the green space in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
serves an
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
purpose in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and that neighborhood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
can
be maintained
while
also
being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to generate revenue for cities.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, access to green space is essential for human happiness, and this is
especially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in crowded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parks
offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
an escape from crowds and traffic which is beneficial to individuals’ health
as well
as to the well-being of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. One could argue that having a
collectively
healthier and happier society would increase productivity in all facets of commerce and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
create and maintain a robust and sustainable economy.

Moreover
,
in addition
to providing a place for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to relax,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to generate revenue in several ways.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cities
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
to stage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
such as art fairs and music festivals and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
shops and restaurants to sell do business there during such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. This would
directly
benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
businesses
as well
as bring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
together. City
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
could
also
establish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
gardens in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and rent individual plots to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents. A project such as this would benefit the city
economically
while providing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
garden to supply a farmers’ market in the park.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
disagree with the argument that city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
would be better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as housing or commercial zones. My belief is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in human happiness and can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to boost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
economies while creating a sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Although many people value their public parks, this space could be better used for other purposes such as residential areas for the ever-growing population or to develop business and boost economies. with this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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