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although many people value their public parks such space could be better used for other purposes such as residential areas for the ever growing population or develop business and boost economies. do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

although many people value their public parks such space could be better used for other purposes such as residential areas for the ever growing population or develop business and boost economies. v. 1
Lots of individuals have sparked for utilizing public parks rather than constructing apartments and business sectors for conquering economic fences. I completely agree with this notion. This essay will discuss the importance of amusement parks while foster residential needs in the modern world. Public parks where aid amusement activities amid individuals, are an inevitable part of luring tourism. Moreover, stressful life is a major threat in the earth since folks work long hours in job sites or cooperative mentality among family members are abbreviated. consequently, people have not concerned about visiting recreational parks. Thereafter this phenomenon leads to oblivious life styles. For example, American institution of human psychology conducted a survey in 2006. They identified that 60 percent of American children mental sustainability was reduced while they concentrated to play indoor activities due to lack of American parks. On the other hand, attracting traveller's are a significant part of preserving Park centres like kinder parks in Mumbai, Kochi Nehru park garden in Kerala or so on. As a result government obtain revenue benefits, which stimulates economical growth. Proliferation of human carves more dwelling space. Furthermore, constructing apartments and fostering business sectors are major part in supporting the community. although plethora of public parks have not had enough visitors. To add to it, Administration desire to splash money for preserving amusement areas. For instance, Chinese regime replaced Nuances public park with modern market, thereby economic growth and job opportunities were created in a particular area. Additionally, small initiative stalls support ordinary people domestic products which get an opportunity to grab eyeballs from local entrepreneurs, but myriad of children had leased space for playing games with their friends. To conclude, in my opinion, public park helps to reduce oblivious mentality.
Lots of individuals have sparked for utilizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
rather
than constructing apartments and business sectors for conquering economic fences. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion. This essay will discuss the importance of amusement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
while foster residential needs in the modern world.

Public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
where aid amusement activities amid individuals, are an inevitable part of luring tourism.
Moreover
, stressful life is a major threat in the earth since folks work long hours in job sites or cooperative mentality among family members
are abbreviated
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
consequently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have not concerned about visiting recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thereafter
this phenomenon leads to oblivious life styles.
For example
, American institution of human psychology conducted a survey in 2006. They identified that 60 percent of American children mental sustainability was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
while they concentrated to play indoor activities due to lack of American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
.
On the other hand
, attracting
Did you mean the plural instead of the possessive?
traveller's
are a significant part of preserving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Park
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
like kinder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
in Mumbai,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kochi
Nehru
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
garden in Kerala or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
As a result
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
obtain revenue benefits, which stimulates
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
growth.

Proliferation of human carves more dwelling space.
Furthermore
, constructing apartments and fostering business sectors are major part in supporting the community.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
although
plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
have not had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
visitors. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to it, Administration desire to splash money for preserving amusement areas.
For instance
, Chinese regime replaced Nuances
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
with modern market, thereby economic growth and job opportunities
were created
in a particular area.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
initiative stalls support ordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
domestic products which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an opportunity to grab eyeballs from local entrepreneurs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
myriad of children had leased space for playing games with their friends.

To conclude
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
oblivious mentality.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay although many people value their public parks such space could be better used for other purposes such as residential areas for the ever growing population or develop business and boost economies. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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