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International travel makes people prejudiced rather than broad-minded. What are its causes and what measures can be taken to solve this problem? v.1

International travel makes people prejudiced rather than broad-minded. What are its causes and what measures can be taken to solve this problem? v. 1
It is irrefutable that international tourism has taken mammoth dimensions. Unfortunately, It is irrefutable that international tourism has taken mammoth dimensions. Unfortunately, sometimes, international tourism creates tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures. In this essay I intend to delve into the causes of this situation and suggest some ways to alleviate the problem. The most important reason why some are opposed to international tourism is that tourists may unknowingly show disrespect for local culture. For instance, we generally cover our heads in a religious place. A tourist may not do so or take his shoes inside a temple. This may offend the local people. Sometimes, youngsters may be attracted towards the western culture, which the tourists bring with them and many may find this as a threat to the local culture. Moreover, the tourist dollar may not be helping the local people. We all know that tourists stay in five star hotels and enjoy the best facilities. They may be taking two showers a day, whereas the local people may not have enough water to drink. This has been the case in Shimla, which is a very popular hill station in Himachal Pradesh, India. On top of that, when tourists buy souvenirs from local artisans, they bargain a lot. The poor artisans, who look up to tourists for their livelihood, end up earning the bare minimum. Finally, tourism creates pollution, which helps nobody. We are all suffering the consequences of global warming. The solutions are not simple. We cannot discourage tourism. It is the backbone of many economies of the world. First of all, the tour operators should take the onus of guiding the tourists about the main things of local lifestyle. Secondly, the tourists should stay with locals as paying guests. This would be a win-win situation for both. Local people would earn and the traveller would taste the local lifestyle. Finally, environment friendly tourism should be promoted. For example, if an elephant ride is possible, the tourist should avoid using a car. After all, a good traveller is one – who takes away nothing, but photographs, and leaves behind nothing, but footprints. Summing up, international tourism does have a downside to it, but many steps can be taken to lessen the negative effects.
It is irrefutable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
has taken mammoth dimensions. Unfortunately, It is irrefutable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
has taken mammoth dimensions. Unfortunately,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
creates tension
rather
than understanding between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures. In this essay I intend to delve into the causes of this situation and suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways to alleviate the problem.

The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are opposed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
may
unknowingly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
disrespect for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
culture.
For instance
, we
generally
cover our heads in a religious place. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
may not do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
or take his shoes inside a temple. This may offend the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, youngsters may
be attracted
towards the western culture, which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
bring with them and
Possible agreement error. The noun may seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much may", "a good deal of may".
many may
find this as a threat to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
culture.

Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
dollar may not be helping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. We all know that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
stay in
'five star' is missing a hyphen.
five star
hotels and enjoy the best facilities. They may be taking two showers a day, whereas the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
water to drink. This has been the case in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Shimla
, which is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular hill station in Himachal Pradesh, India.
On top of that
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
souvenirs from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
artisans, they bargain a lot. The poor artisans, who look up to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
for their livelihood,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up earning the bare minimum.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
creates pollution, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
nobody. We are all suffering the consequences of global warming.

The solutions are not simple. We cannot discourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
. It is the backbone of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
economies of the world.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the tour operators should take the onus of guiding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
about the main things of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
lifestyle.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
should stay with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
as paying guests. This would be a win-win situation for both.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would earn and the
Possible spelling mistake found.
traveller
would taste the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
lifestyle.
Finally
, environment friendly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
should
be promoted
.
For example
, if an elephant ride is possible, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
should avoid using a car.
After all
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake found.
traveller
is one
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
who takes away nothing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
photographs, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
behind nothing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
footprints.

Summing up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
does have a downside to it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
steps can
be taken
to lessen the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay International travel makes people prejudiced rather than broad-minded. What are its causes and what measures can be taken to solve this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
378 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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