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It is too expensive to look after and repair old buildings This money should be spent on building modern buildings instead To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

It is too expensive to look after and repair old buildings This money should be spent on building modern buildings instead v. 1
Some people believe that more fund should allocate to the railway department as compared to roads. I agree with the statement because rail systems play a pivotal role just not only in commuting, but also for an effective trading. Moreover, it is a better strategy to reduce traffic congestion as well as a pollution. Undoubtedly, a private car is very useful for short distances. Similarly, roads are also useful in our daily life that link a multitude of people with shopping malls, hospitals, and offices for a work. For example, a recent study, which is conducted in London, has revealed that widenings of roads lessen the percentage of accidents. So, spending money on roads can also save human lives. Nevertheless, the benefits to outlay on railways is far outweighed than a road. The locomotive does not move only passengers, but also carry goods from all over the world. By investing in that department also lead to lower the prices of commodities. Furthermore, it can also become becomes crucial in order to overcome the problem of a vehicular density. For instance, according to a recent study those countries have a better rail Transportation system. There are less issues relating to traffic congestion in order. In addition, to spend more money on a train system is also beneficial for the environment because more people travel on it and they will not use their private cars. Nowadays, electric locomotives are used, which are an environmental friendly, and they provide excellent services. Thus, less amount of carbon footprint generates which is necessary for a healthy community. In conclusion, outlay more fund on a train transport system brings a number of benefits. It is also reduces the risk of accidents and it makes possible to introduce the express train, which move in the areas which are far away from a rail.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that more fund should allocate to the railway department as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
rail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
play a pivotal role
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in commuting,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for an effective trading.
Moreover
, it is a better strategy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
traffic congestion
as well
as
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "pollution".
a pollution
.

Undoubtedly
, a private car is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful for short distances.
Similarly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
are
also
useful in our daily life that link a multitude of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with shopping malls, hospitals, and offices for a work.
For example
, a recent study, which
is conducted
in London, has revealed that
Possible spelling mistake found.
widenings
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
lessen the percentage of accidents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, spending money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
can
also
save human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Nevertheless
, the benefits to outlay on railways is far outweighed than a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
. The locomotive does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
passengers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
carry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
from all over the world. By investing in that department
also
lead to lower the prices of commodities.
Furthermore
, it can
also
become becomes crucial in order to overcome the problem of a vehicular density.
For instance
, according to a recent study those countries have a better rail Transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
. There are
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun issues is countable.
less
issues relating to traffic congestion in order.

In addition
, to spend more money on a train
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
is
also
beneficial for the environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
travel on
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
it and
they will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their private cars. Nowadays, electric locomotives are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
, which are an environmental friendly, and they provide excellent services.
Thus
, less amount of carbon footprint generates which is necessary for a healthy community.

In conclusion
, outlay more fund on a train transport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
brings a number of benefits. It is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of accidents and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
possible to introduce the express train, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
in the areas which are far away from a rail.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay It is too expensive to look after and repair old buildings This money should be spent on building modern buildings instead v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
306 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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