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It is the fact that eating too much is as detrimental as smoking, so the government should prohibit food product ads as they do with cigarettes. While I accept this measure is well-founded, I believe that it is unreasonable to forbid the advertisement of v.2

It is the fact that eating too much is as detrimental as smoking, so the government should prohibit food product ads as they do with cigarettes. While I accept this measure is well-founded, I believe that it is unreasonable to forbid the advertisement of v. 2
It is the fact that eating too much is as detrimental as smoking, so the government should prohibit food product ads as they do with cigarettes. While I accept this measure is well-founded, I believe that it is unreasonable to forbid the advertisement of particular food products. On the one hand, it is widely believed that food advertisements could indirectly put people’s health in jeopardy, like smoking. Through television channels, children normally watch food advertisements like McDonald, these ads make them tempted to consume fast food instead of healthy food like vegetables. In the long-term, it is possible for children to suffer from obesity, because fast food is high in fat and starch. Additionally, eye-catching food advertisements can stimulate appetite spontaneously, causing adverse impacts on mental health. For example, my nephew would become aggressive and smash furniture if his mother does not buy junk food. On the other hand, I believe that banning the advertising of certain food items is irrational. Firstly, many food manufacturers consider that advertisement is the most effective measure to approach potential customers and introduce their new products in the market. If their ads are imposed a ban, corporate profits would significantly drop, causing these companies to be on the brink of bankruptcy. Secondly, banning these ads is an obvious disadvantage for consumers, they would not be well-informed about the products they really want to purchase. Finally, attractive food advertisements might make those who are anorexic consume more food. In conclusion, while I recognize that forbidding the advertisement of specific foodstuffs products would prevent health problems, I believe that imposing a ban on these ads is not appropriate.
It is the fact that eating too much is as detrimental as smoking,
so
the
government
should prohibit
food
product
ads as they do with cigarettes. While I accept this measure is well-founded, I believe that it is unreasonable to forbid the
advertisement of
particular
food
products.

On the one hand, it is
widely
believed that
food
advertisements
could
indirectly
put
people
’s health in jeopardy, like smoking. Through television channels, children
normally
watch
food
advertisements
like McDonald, these ads
make
them tempted to consume
fast
food
instead
of healthy
food
like vegetables. In the long-term, it is possible for children to suffer from obesity,
because
fast
food
is high in
fat
and starch.
Additionally
, eye-catching
food
advertisements
can stimulate appetite
spontaneously
, causing adverse impacts on mental health.
For example
, my nephew would become aggressive and smash furniture if his mother does not
buy
junk food.

On the other hand
, I believe that banning the advertising of certain
food
items is irrational.
Firstly
,
many
food
manufacturers consider that
advertisement
is the most effective measure to approach potential customers and introduce their new
products
in the market. If their ads
are imposed
a ban, corporate profits would
significantly
drop, causing these
companies
to be on the brink of bankruptcy.
Secondly
, banning these ads is an obvious disadvantage for consumers, they would not be well-informed about the
products
they
really
want to
purchase
.
Finally
, attractive
food
advertisements
might
make
those who are anorexic consume more food.

In conclusion
, while I recognize that forbidding the
advertisement of
specific foodstuffs
products
would
prevent
health problems, I believe that imposing a ban on these ads is not appropriate.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay It is the fact that eating too much is as detrimental as smoking, so the government should prohibit food product ads as they do with cigarettes. While I accept this measure is well-founded, I believe that it is unreasonable to forbid the advertisement of v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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