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It is suggested that everyone should have a car, a TV, and a fridge. DO the advantages of this development for society outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

It is suggested that everyone should have a car, a TV, and a fridge. DO the advantages of this development for society outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
Some people believe that it is a sole right for every single individual to own some basic needs, such as a vehicle or some household appliances. Despite the possible drawbacks of such development, I hold the notion that its beneficial impacts are more valuable. On the one hand, it is true that such possessions may contribute greatly to polluting the environment. To illustrate, if each person has a car of their own, this will lead to increasing in gas emissions; hence, elevating pollution rates. This is actually the case in vast numbers of metropolises nowadays. Another drawback is that most of house devices are not energy-sufficient; in other words, they exert an extra pressure on electricity consumption. Consequently, governments would respond to such pressure by consuming more natural resources, which, eventually, may cause disturbance in our finely balanced ecosystem. On the other hand, I would side with the idea that this development may has more significant positive impacts. Not only would this progress enhance people’s lives but it would also reflect the outstanding performance of the authorities in introducing a comprehensive support to all individuals equally. The presence of a car for transportation, or a fridge to keep food fresh, all are examples of facilities which help make life easier for people. Furthermore, for everyone to enjoy such facilities, it is a salient example of the hard work that any government does in order to improve the quality of life of its people. To conclude, although the availability of some negative impacts, predominantly related to the environment, I reiterate that it is a privilege for citizens to have commodities that might facilitate their daily lives which would eclipse their harmful effects on nature.
Some
people
believe that it is a sole right for every single individual to
own
some
basic needs, such as a vehicle or
some
household appliances. Despite the possible drawbacks of such development, I hold the notion that its beneficial impacts are more valuable.

On the one hand, it is true that such possessions may contribute
greatly
to polluting the environment. To illustrate, if each person has a car of their
own
, this will lead to increasing in gas emissions;
hence
, elevating pollution rates. This is actually the case in vast numbers of metropolises nowadays. Another drawback is that most of
house
devices are not energy-sufficient;
in other words
, they exert an extra pressure on electricity consumption.
Consequently
,
governments
would respond to such pressure by consuming more natural resources, which,
eventually
, may cause disturbance in our
finely
balanced ecosystem.

On the other hand
, I would side with the
idea
that this development may has more significant
positive
impacts. Not
only
would this progress enhance
people
’s
lives
but
it would
also
reflect the outstanding performance of the authorities in introducing a comprehensive support to all individuals
equally
. The presence of a car for transportation, or a fridge to
keep
food fresh, all are examples of facilities which
help
make
life easier for
people
.
Furthermore
, for everyone to enjoy such facilities, it is a salient example of the
hard
work that any
government
does in order to
improve
the quality of life of its
people
.

To conclude
, although the availability of
some
negative
impacts,
predominantly
related to the environment, I reiterate that it is a privilege for citizens to have commodities that might facilitate their daily
lives
which would eclipse their harmful effects on nature.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay It is suggested that everyone should have a car, a TV, and a fridge. DO the advantages of this development for society outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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