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It is sometimes said that ‘travel broadens the mind’. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this? v.1

It is sometimes said that ‘travel broadens the mind’. with this? v. 1
It is generally stated that travel can widen the mind. There are various good and bad aspects need to be considered by the idea of travelling. Personally, it is true for opening the mind by travelling, but sometimes it is also not utterly accurate. At first, it requires us to have a budget for the trip or at least enough money to pay for the transportation. In fact, we could not go anywhere with our empty wallet. Secondly, in order to reduce risks from travelling, we should have some intended researches about the place we are going to travel because the more awareness we prepare, the less risks could happen during the trip. The tricks from the local people could be avoided if the preparation is made carefully. Although there are some disadvantages which are listed above, there still have many advantages need to be concerned about. The firstly significant benefit is to expand our individual view and gain knowledge by making a practical travel. Taking a crystal example from the former leader of Vietnamese in over the previous seven decades whose name Ho Chi Minh. He had travelled to many countries around the world to find the best way of the revolution and he impressively succeeded. A good example to illustrate the idea of "travel broadens the mind". Furthermore, by travelling to other regions, the connections between us could be enhanced as well. It is so true if the traveller is an extrovert. It means they absolutely gain extra benefits by making connections to the people where they meet during their trip. In addition, travel could also help us release stress from our life or from our work. An excited trip is the best way for us either to get a good mood or to generate new energy. Finally, it is personally true in the statement that said travel could broaden the mind. But it should be contained with a suitable preparation and an intense attention.
It is
generally
stated that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
can widen the mind. There are various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
aspects need to
be considered
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
.
Personally
, it is true for opening the mind by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it is
also
not
utterly
accurate.

At
first
, it requires us to have a budget for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
or at least
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to pay for the transportation. In fact, we could not go anywhere with our empty wallet.
Secondly
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
, we should have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
intended researches about the place we are going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the more awareness we prepare, the
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun risks is countable.
less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
could happen during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
. The tricks from the local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could
be avoided
if the preparation
is made
carefully
.

Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages which
are listed
above, there
still
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages need to
be concerned
about. The
firstly
significant benefit is to expand our individual view and gain knowledge by making a practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
. Taking a crystal example from the former leader of Vietnamese in over the previous seven decades whose name Ho Chi Minh. He had travelled to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries around the world to find the best way of the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
revolution and
he
impressively
succeeded. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example to illustrate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
travel broadens the mind
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
.

Furthermore
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
to other regions, the connections between us could
be enhanced
as well
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
true if the
Possible spelling mistake found.
traveller
is an extrovert. It means they
absolutely
gain extra benefits by making connections to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
could
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us release
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
from our life or from our work. An excited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
is the best way for us either to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
mood or to generate new energy.

Finally
, it is
personally
true in the statement that said
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
could broaden the mind.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it should
be contained
with a suitable preparation and an intense attention.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay It is sometimes said that ‘travel broadens the mind’. with this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
327 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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