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Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree? v.6

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. v. 6
It is clear that nowadays social networking sites are spreading around the world very quickly. I completely agree with this notion that internet such as Facebook and what’s app and other communications have had a bad influence on the world and people. This will be analysed below. It’s true that in our civilization without internet or social networking sites it is hard. Because we live in a developing country. About half of the world needs to networking sites. The main reason of it that their work or study demands it. Another major contributing factor is that they can to talk with their best friends or relatives with the help of social networking sites. That’s why social networking sites are the full of news. However there have also had negative impacts on society and also individuals. Firstly most people waste their time on social networking sites. Even it is not important. Due to it, people, especially teenagers will be connected in social networking sites. Secondly when people waste their time on the internet it is bad for society. Because no one wants to study or work hard and it can affect the social economy budget and also developing country. Therefore if these networking site numbers are reduced, it can bring benefits both community and people. By way of conclusion, there have various negative impacts of networking sites. It can cause the decrease level of knowledge and social position. In my opinion, if people use from social networking sites to limit it can cause positive impacts on society and individuals.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are spreading around the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
quickly
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion that internet such as Facebook and what’s app and other communications have had a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influence on the world and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This will be
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
below.

It’s true that in our civilization without internet or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing country
. About half of the world needs to networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
. The main reason of it that their work or study demands it. Another major contributing factor is that they can to talk with their best friends or relatives with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
. That’s why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are the full of news.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
there have
also
had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on society and
also
individuals.
Firstly
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
waste their time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
. Even it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. Due to it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
will
be connected
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
.
Secondly
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
waste their time on the internet it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
no one wants to study or work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and it can affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
economy budget and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing country
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
if these networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
numbers are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
, it can bring benefits both community and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

By way of conclusion, there have various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts of networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
. It can cause the decrease level of knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
position. In my opinion, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
to limit it can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on society and individuals.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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