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Welcome, Freshman Students! As of September 1st, unlike last year, the university has decided to change its plan from holding freshmen orientation for all students it giving them the option of either going on a campus hiking tour or participating in games v.1

Welcome, Freshman Students! As of September 1st, unlike last year, the university has decided to change its plan from holding freshmen orientation for all students it giving them the option of either going on a campus hiking tour or participating in games v. 1
Nowadays, almost all the companies are looking to enhance their position in their respective sector to achieve this they are implementing a wide range of thoughts to reach their goals. Companies are not willing to retain their employees once they reached the retirement age. I agree with the thought process of the firms, which are replacing their well experienced and senior professionals with teenagers who are lacking in experience. This essay will discuss the reasons behind the changeover in the ideology in the business sector. To commence with, The companies which are having their total average age of employees more than 40 years are performing less compared to their arch rivals, this is due to the reason that the senior workers cannot produce that much productivity as they were yielded in their teenage. So, it is a drawback for the management to continue with them. For Instance, a recent survey conducted by “TIMES” Magazine reflected that, the growth rate of business firms is higher for those who employed more young people than the senior and experienced professionals. In addition to this, The Management tends to cut their annual expenditures by reducing their senior employees who are getting higher salaries. This is because; the firm should pay their employees’ wages irrespective of their turnover this sometimes may be a burden for them. For example, if a management is running in deficit then this idea would be a great relief for them. On the other hand, some people may argue that, replacing the experienced and adroit persons will affect the business and the productivity, but this is not so convincing because, the same can be achieved by training the new young and inexperienced people with in no time. For example, in 1998 a gas refinery in the USA, has terminated their senior employees to recruit new, inexperienced people this proved costly for them and results in a loss of about 1 Million dollars in a month. In conclusion, it is a good solution to implement by replacing the senior employees with new and inexperienced people to strengthen the productivity by making them to work for more hours by paying less amount of money and hence to limit the expenses of the firms though. It is a bit expensive to train them, but this is a short term process, however the results will be much better in future.
Nowadays, almost all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are looking to enhance their position in their respective sector to achieve this they are implementing a wide range of thoughts to reach their goals.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
are not willing to retain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
once they reached the retirement age. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
process of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
firms
, which are replacing their well experienced and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
professionals with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who are lacking in experience. This essay will discuss the reasons behind the changeover in the ideology in the business sector.

To commence with, The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
which are having their total average age of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
more than 40 years are performing less compared to their arch rivals, this is due to the reason that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
workers cannot produce that much productivity as they
were yielded
in their teenage.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is a drawback for the management to continue with them.
For Instance
, a recent survey conducted by “TIMES” Magazine reflected that, the growth rate of business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
firms
is higher for those who employed more young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
and experienced professionals.

In addition
to this, The Management tends to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
their annual expenditures by reducing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
who are getting higher salaries. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
; the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
firm
should pay their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees’
wages irrespective of their turnover this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
may be a burden for them.
For example
, if a management is running in deficit then this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
would be a great relief for them.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may argue that, replacing the experienced and adroit persons will affect the business and the productivity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
convincing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, the same can
be achieved
by training the new young and inexperienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with in no time.
For example
, in 1998 a gas refinery in the USA, has terminated their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to recruit new, inexperienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
this proved costly for them and results in a loss of about 1 Million dollars in a month.

In conclusion
, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
solution to implement by replacing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
with new and inexperienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to strengthen the productivity by making them to work for more hours by paying less amount of money and
hence
to limit the expenses of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
firms
though. It is a bit expensive to train them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this is a short term process,
however
the results will be much better
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Welcome, Freshman Students! As of September 1st, unlike last year, the university has decided to change its plan from holding freshmen orientation for all students it giving them the option of either going on a campus hiking tour or participating in games v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
395 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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