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It is said that the amount of violence on the TV programs has negative effect on our social development and therefore should be reduced. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.1

It is said that the amount of violence on the TV programs has negative effect on our social development and therefore should be reduced. with this opinion? v. 1
In the modern world, academic education is essential for every individual to achieve life goals and dreams. However, enrolled in the university for poor people is no longer affordable due to extreme competition among modern learners. But I believe money can buy an education, so I will not fully agree with this statement. Firstly, many universities around the world that provide quality tuition nowadays. Therefore, numerous students travel to complete their studies by finding their desired campus. In other word, student those who have money able to do their studies without hesitation while the poor struggle with their financial issues. Furthermore, Lack of resources is another issue some of the individuals who suffer from a difficult lifestyle. For example, a typical student's needs are higher than ordinary people who need equipment like study materials, laptops, books, food, and accommodation. Secondly, In the modern world, there are many private universities, which provide private tuition. Even the teenager who not at university-level, with money they can conduct their studies enrolling with the campus. But some poor students unable to complete their college studies properly as a result of that they miss university. For example, without a quality lifestyle, some children will not able to complete their primary learning even they are extremely intelligent. And those who have to join the workforce early due to family issues, consequently, they miss their studying. Finally, from my point of view, I would argue that with a financial background, there is always an open path to campus, under any circumstances. All things considered, it is difficult for students with poverty to attend any kind of schooling due to various problems. However, history shows us many famous politicians and scientists came from poverty.
In the modern world, academic education is essential for every individual to achieve life goals and dreams.
However
, enrolled in the
university
for poor
people
is
no longer affordable due to extreme competition among modern learners.
But
I believe money can
buy
an education,
so
I will not
fully
agree
with this statement.

Firstly
,
many
universities
around the world that provide quality tuition nowadays.
Therefore
, numerous
students
travel to complete their
studies
by finding their desired campus. In other word,
student
those
who
have money able to do their
studies
without hesitation while the poor struggle with their financial issues.
Furthermore
, Lack of resources is another issue
some of the
individuals
who
suffer from a difficult lifestyle.
For example
, a typical student's needs are higher than ordinary
people
who
need equipment like
study
materials, laptops, books, food, and accommodation.

Secondly
, In the modern world, there are
many
private
universities
, which provide private tuition. Even the
teenager
who
not at university-level, with money they can conduct their
studies
enrolling with the campus.
But
some
poor
students
unable to complete their college
studies
properly
as a result
of that they miss
university
.
For example
, without a quality lifestyle,
some
children will not able to complete their primary learning even they are
extremely
intelligent. And those
who
have to
join
the workforce early due to family issues,
consequently
, they miss their studying.

Finally
, from my point of view, I would argue that with a financial background, there is always an open path to campus, under any circumstances. All things considered, it is difficult for
students
with poverty to attend any kind of schooling due to various problems.
However
, history
shows
us
many
famous
politicians and scientists came from poverty.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay It is said that the amount of violence on the TV programs has negative effect on our social development and therefore should be reduced. with this opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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