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Many people have health problems just because they lead unhealthy lifestyle. what are the reasons and possible solutions? v.1

Many people have health problems just because they lead unhealthy lifestyle. what are the reasons and possible solutions? v. 1
These days issues regarding health are very common, owing to the unhealthy routing in daily life. This essay will discuss certain causes and possible measures of this negative development. Firstly, the sedentary lifestyle is one of the main reasons of the poor health. In the contemporary world people are becoming more workaholic, as they are spending excessive hours in workforce environment. Which in turn means, inactivity for long hours; thus, leading to health issues such as obesity and stress. Secondly, opting for fast food rather than home cooked meal is another reason of deteriorating health of individuals. This is because people these days they are relying on fast food items which contain more fats and calorie-rich ingredients. In other words, consuming less nutritional or high fats food result in unbalanced food intake in body; hence, producing detrimental results on the health of people. There are certain counteracts in order to resolve this rising health concern. Daily workout is one of the solutions to cope with the bad health. Opting for any physical activity such as running, walking or weight lifting for at least an hour daily increase the better working of all parts of the body; resulting in maintaining good health. The international health organization of Toronto, for instance, has revealed a study that individuals who opt for daily exercise is less likely to be inflicted by a health disease as compared to those who avoid to opt for exercising. Another way is by avoiding fast food in daily meal and taking nutritional diets. Food prepared at homes contains less percentage of fats, which would result in a high intake of rich nutritional diet and resultantly maintaining better health. In conclusion, the prevalent poor health of people is mainly of inactive hours and unhealthy food choices. However, doing exercise and taking healthy diet are the way to mitigate this issue.
These days
You should probably use "issue".
issues
regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common, owing to the unhealthy routing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
life. This essay will discuss certain causes and possible measures of this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development.

Firstly
, the sedentary lifestyle is one of the main reasons of the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. In the contemporary world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are becoming more workaholic, as they are spending excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in workforce environment. Which in turn means, inactivity for long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
;
thus
, leading to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues such as obesity and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Secondly
, opting for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
rather
than home cooked meal is another reason of deteriorating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of individuals. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
these days they are relying on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items which contain more fats and calorie-rich ingredients.
In other words
, consuming less nutritional or high
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "fats'" or "fat's"?
fats
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
result in unbalanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
intake in body;
hence
, producing detrimental results on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

There are certain counteracts in order to resolve this rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
concern.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Daily
workout is one of the solutions to cope with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Opting for any physical activity such as running, walking or weight lifting for at least an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
increase the better working of all parts of the body; resulting in maintaining
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. The international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
organization of Toronto,
for instance
, has revealed a study that individuals who opt for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
exercise is less likely to
be inflicted
by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
disease as compared to those who
The verb 'avoid' is used with the gerund form: "avoid opting".
avoid to opt
for exercising. Another way is by avoiding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
meal and taking nutritional diets.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
prepared at homes contains less percentage of fats, which would result in a high intake of rich nutritional diet and
resultantly
maintaining better health.

In conclusion
, the prevalent poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is
mainly
of inactive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
and unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
choices.
However
, doing exercise and taking healthy diet are the way to mitigate this issue.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people have health problems just because they lead unhealthy lifestyle. what are the reasons and possible solutions? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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