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It is often said that governments spend too much money on wild life protection, while others say that there are other problems that are more important? do you agree or disagree? v.1

It is often said that governments spend too much money on wild life protection, while others say that there are other problems that are more important? v. 1
Many of the animal species across the world are being driven to extinction by the deforestation, hunting and the climatic changes and as a result government across the globe are allocating more and more funds to preserve and protect animal populations. It is being argued by some people that such spending is unjustified and it could be effectively spent elsewhere, while others think that it is very important for government to spend money on wildlife protection. I am of the opinion that money being spent on wildlife is very important and it has long term benefits. Many of the species across the world were lost to human activities due to lack of knowledge and lack of government efforts in the past. Now more funding and research in these fields has prepared us to acknowledge the threats being posed to many different wild animals across the world and to take necessary actions for their protection. For instance, Tasmanian tiger once roamed the wilderness of the Australia nearly 4-5 centuries ago, but due to massive hunting and lack of knowledge of its habitat, it was driven to extinction, with the last known sighting in the mid 19th century. Better funded, wildlife departments can create harmony among the local population and the animals. Awareness programs can be organised to educate the communities about the importance of the wildlife and their protection. For example, WWE organised educational programs in the Pakistan about the snow leopard's precarious state, which was being massively hunted and was declared endangered, but with the efforts of the government and international NGO's its population has now started reviving. Poorly funded wildlife departments can potentially fail to cope with the complex issues being faced by many animals across the world. The world around us is continuously changing because of the massive changes in the temperature and CO2 levels. Many animal species which were accustomed to certain living conditions can potentially go extinct in very short time and this would result in the massive environmental loss and can shift the balance of the fragile ecosystems. Study of the wildlife and their protection can also prepare us to better equip ourselves in the case of climate changes. In conclusion, it is very important to have better funded wildlife departments because of the massive climate changes and already fragile and declining populations of the many animal species across the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
species across the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
are
being driven
to extinction by the deforestation, hunting and the climatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
and
as a result
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
across the globe are allocating more and more funds to preserve and protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
populations
. It is
being argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that such spending
is unjustified
and it could be
effectively
spent elsewhere, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to spend money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protection
. I am of the opinion that money
being spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and it has long term benefits.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of the species across the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
were lost
to human activities due to lack of knowledge and lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
efforts in the past.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
more funding and research in these fields has prepared us to acknowledge the threats
being posed
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
across the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and to take necessary actions for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protection
.
For instance
, Tasmanian tiger once roamed the wilderness of the Australia
nearly
4-5 centuries ago,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
massive
hunting and lack of knowledge of its habitat, it
was driven
to extinction, with the last known sighting in the mid 19th century. Better funded,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
departments can create harmony among the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. Awareness programs can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
to educate the communities about the importance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protection
.
For example
, WWE
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
educational programs in the Pakistan about the snow leopard's precarious state, which was being
massively
hunted and
was declared
endangered,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with the efforts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and international NGO's its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
reviving.

Poorly
funded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
departments can
potentially
fail to cope with the complex issues
being faced
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
across the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
around us is
continuously
changing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
massive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the temperature and CO2 levels.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
species which
were accustomed
to certain living conditions can
potentially
go extinct in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
short time and this would result in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
massive
environmental loss and can shift the balance of the fragile ecosystems. Study of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protection
can
also
prepare us to better equip ourselves in the case of climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to have better funded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
departments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
massive
climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
and already fragile and declining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
populations
of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
species across the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay It is often said that governments spend too much money on wild life protection, while others say that there are other problems that are more important? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
396 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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