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Both poor and rich find accessibility into university difficult. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Both poor and rich find accessibility into university difficult. v. 1
In this dynamic market, getting entrance to the University is the most difficult part of the students' life, irrespective of how much money they are willing to spend on to get it done. Some might argue that the accessibility is too convenient to those who are rich as they can pay higher amount of cash on this matter. However, based on the current social and market situation, I'm agreeing only to the point that wealth of a human does not count when you are getting enter to the university. My argument is based on the points such as schools' marks and ultimate output of the university. Accordingly, this essay will more elaborate on these key points in detail. Firstly, the level of score from the school examination is more important as this is the key to the basic selection of any university all around the globe. In simple terms no one can have access to the university unless they are compatible with the benchmark set up by the entrance examination. Exam marks will depend on the knowledge of a student. Some people may argue that rich people will provide sophisticated learning materials for their children, whereas poor people will have only standard level items for study. However, end of the day, it's the matter of commitment by the student who is using these materials. For an instance, even though you have been provided with world number one items for your child who is not studying properly, do you think that he will get a good mark in the exam. Secondly, the university is making difficult for the student by putting a higher benchmark to limit the number of entries as well as for the purpose of having quality people in. The recognition of the university degree will be driven by the quality output they made to the society or to the market. As an example, just assume that the world richest person's son is getting in by paying millions and at the end either he will not be able to complete the degree or even though he completed the degree, the work or job afterward will show the colours of that person and this will have negative impact for the university who issued the degree to this person who purely purchased with his golden cash. In conclusion, there is no doubt on whether, poor or rich find accessibility to university difficult as this essay explained that the poor or rich is not impacted on this matter. Moreover, the recognition of the university degrees is still there in the corporate world due to these factors, from which they are analysing when they are hiring someone. Based on the previous products, people used to assess the quality of the degree and this is the main evidence that the degree is not compromised with the money at any time.
In this dynamic market, getting entrance to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
is the most difficult part of the students' life, irrespective of how much money they are willing to spend on to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
it done.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
might argue that the accessibility is too convenient to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
as they can pay higher amount of cash on this matter.
However
, based on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
social and market situation, I'
The verb 'agreeing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
m agreeing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to the point that wealth of a human does not count when you are getting enter to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. My argument
is based
on the points such as schools' marks and ultimate output of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
Accordingly
, this essay will more elaborate on these key points in detail.

Firstly
, the level of score from the school examination is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as this is the key to the basic selection of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
all around the globe. In simple terms no one can have access to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
unless they are compatible with the benchmark set up by the entrance examination. Exam marks will depend on the knowledge of a student.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will provide sophisticated learning materials for their children, whereas poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
standard level items for study.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day, it's the matter of commitment by the student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is using these materials. For an instance,
even though
you have
been provided
with world number one items for your child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is not studying
properly
, do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that he will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
mark in the exam.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is making difficult for the student by putting a higher benchmark to limit the number of entries
as well
as for the purpose of having quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in. The recognition of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
will
be driven
by the quality output they made to the society or to the market. As an example,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
assume that the world richest person's son is getting in by paying millions and at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
either he will not be able to complete the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
or
even though
he completed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
, the work or job afterward will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
of that person and this will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
issued the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
to this person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
purely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
with his golden cash.

In conclusion
, there is no doubt on whether, poor or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
find accessibility to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
difficult as this essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
that the poor or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
is not impacted on this matter.
Moreover
, the recognition of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degrees
is
still
there in the corporate world due to these factors, from which they are
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
when they are hiring someone. Based on the previous products,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to assess the quality of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
and this is the main evidence that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
is not compromised with the money at any time.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Both poor and rich find accessibility into university difficult. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
476 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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