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It is often claimed that electronic devices will soon replace paper books. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

It is often claimed that electronic devices will soon replace paper books. v. 1
Some would argue that in many metropolitan, market visits for shopping has become a way to break monotonous routine. I think that this phenomenon has emerged because of the extremely busy life of people; however, it is an unwelcome development because it eventually leads to debts. There are several reasons for this burgeoning trend. Firstly, lack of recreational centers in the cities such as sports grounds and other healthy amenities for the younger generation, where they can replenish themselves apart from their hectic routine. Secondly, most young masses have a packed routine, and they are unable to spare some time to schedule meet up with their friends or plan any trip to a picnic spot. So, it leads to exhaustion in many people and, they consider shopping as an activity to freshen up themselves. For example, a report of a survey conducted in the Centaurus Mall revealed that 70% of people came here for shopping to experience a change in their routine. On the other hand, this development has several negative impacts on the life of young persons because they seek gratification in shopping; and eventually ended up wasting a hefty amount on buying unnecessary things. However, they do not realize that they waste a lot of their hard-earned money unintentionally on shopping. For instance, in Canada, the average income of a young person is $20, 000, and he spends about $9000 of his income on shopping unimportant things. To conclude, in cities, people are living a busy life where they do not have enough opportunities to get a break from their tedious routine so they consider shopping as an activity to rejoice themselves. However, it is a kind of development that needs to be discouraged because unknowingly these activities consume a huge amount of money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would argue that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
metropolitan, market visits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has become a way to break monotonous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
routine
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this phenomenon has emerged
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
extremely
busy life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
;
however
, it is an unwelcome development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
eventually
leads to debts.

There are several reasons for this burgeoning trend.
Firstly
, lack of recreational centers in the cities such as sports grounds and other healthy amenities for the younger generation, where they can replenish themselves apart from their hectic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
routine
.
Secondly
, most young masses have a packed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
routine
, and they are unable to spare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time to schedule
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
up with their friends or plan any trip to a picnic spot.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it leads to exhaustion in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and, they consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as an activity to freshen up themselves.
For example
, a report of a survey conducted in the Centaurus Mall revealed that 70% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
came here for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
to experience a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in their routine.

On the other hand
, this development has several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on the life of young persons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they seek gratification in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
; and
eventually
ended up wasting a hefty amount on buying unnecessary things.
However
, they do not realize that they waste
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-earned money
unintentionally
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
For instance
, in Canada, the average income of a young person is $20, 000, and he spends about $9000 of his income on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
unimportant things.

To conclude
, in cities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living a busy life where they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a break from their tedious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
routine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as an activity to rejoice themselves.
However
, it is a kind of development that needs to
be discouraged
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
unknowingly
these activities consume a huge amount of money.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay It is often claimed that electronic devices will soon replace paper books. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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