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Do you agree that the nuclear technology should be used for constructive purposes? Use your own knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence. Give reasons for your viewpoint. v.1

Do you agree that the nuclear technology should be used for constructive purposes? Use your own knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence. Give reasons for your viewpoint. v. 1
In the salad day of the millennium, there is no iota of doubt that shopping has become an integral part of youngster's life, where they like to spend their leisure. This phenomenon is offering multifarious benefits to the offsprings. However, sometimes a couple of problems emerge due to the same. The following paragraphs would cast light on the possible reasons of the activities. To begin with the bright side, there are some feasible reasons for escalated pastime shopping. Firstly, trendy fashion accessories has triggered their attention to updating themselves. Take the case of the data analysis of supermarkets by Florida university scholars. For instance, the colossal number newly launched products have been purchased by young customers. This only attributed to their Shopaholic nature with large money. Hence, the introduction of peer pressure and the latest fashion has influenced the younger-minds to do shopping. Furthermore, the disposable money in the hands of fortunate youngsters, encourage them to spend it on weekend shopping, which influences their peers to do the same. On the flip side of the coin, shopping alone is not enough leisure activity as others are more crucial to improve the skill set of young people. In other words, they can spend their precious time in reading as well as by performing physical and mental activities. For example, according to the published article on The Guardian; the individuals who are familiar with the software and technological advancements, are being selected by artificial intelligence, which is one of the emerging branches of the scientific world. Nevertheless, important free-time practices have some undeniable benefits. To conclude, the young-minds are indulging in shopping as a part of their leisure, however; they could shun it by doing other beneficial pastime activities. It has been categorically mentioned that shopping is a kind of attraction, which is not profitable, but the activities such as reading, intellectual thinking are wiser. I strongly believe that parents should be taught their children to emphasize selective hobbies that could assist them in the long run.
In the salad day of the millennium, there is no iota of doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has become an integral part of youngster's life, where they like to spend their leisure. This phenomenon is offering multifarious benefits to the
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
a couple of problems
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "emerges"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'emerge' is not always incorrect.)
emerge
due to the same. The following paragraphs would cast light on the possible reasons of the activities.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the bright side, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feasible reasons for escalated pastime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
Firstly
, trendy fashion accessories has triggered their attention to updating themselves. Take the case of the data analysis of supermarkets by Florida university scholars.
For instance
, the colossal number
newly
launched products have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
by young customers. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
attributed to their Shopaholic nature with large money.
Hence
, the introduction of peer pressure and the latest fashion has influenced the younger-minds to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
Furthermore
, the disposable money in the hands of fortunate youngsters, encourage them to spend it on weekend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
, which influences their peers to do the same.

On the flip side of the coin,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
alone is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
as others are more crucial to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
set of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
In other words
, they can spend their precious time in reading
as well
as by performing physical and mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
For example
, according to the published article on The Guardian; the individuals who are familiar with the software and technological advancements, are
being selected
by artificial intelligence, which is one of the emerging branches of the scientific world.
Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
free-time practices have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
undeniable benefits.

To conclude
, the young-minds are indulging in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as a part of their leisure,
however
; they could shun it by doing other beneficial pastime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. It has been
categorically
mentioned that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is a kind of attraction, which is not profitable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as reading, intellectual thinking are wiser. I
strongly
believe that parents should
be taught
their children to emphasize selective hobbies that could assist them in the long run.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Do you agree that the nuclear technology should be used for constructive purposes? Use your own knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence. Give reasons for your viewpoint. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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