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It is observed that most governments pay a lot of money for an art project for instance, there are more and more paintings and sculpture seen in public places. Some people think that it is wrong, and the government should spend money on other important things of public interests. Give your opinion. v.1

It is observed that most governments pay a lot of money for an art project for instance, there are more and more paintings and sculpture seen in public places. Some people think that it is wrong, and the government should spend money on other important things of public interests. Give your opinion. v. 1
Many state pay in abundance for the artistic endeavors as there is an increasingly high number of paintings and statuaries visible in public places so, according to some, spending on art should be avoided and instead, money ought to be expended on matters of public interest. In my opinion, I agree that the flow of wherewithal should be on items of public importance will greatly benefit both individuals and society. A good reason to shun spending on artistic objects is the need for better healthcare amenities for the common people. At present, many public healthcare centers do not offer satisfactory services, primarily due to fewer funds incurred by the government. Many under-privileged civilians in Africa, for instance, dies due to the shortage of medical equipment requisite for their treatment. Healthcare facilities are essential for any individual to lead a healthy and a long life ahead. Another point to consider by the government is the infrastructure needed by the public to have a better standard of living. The government should provide more funding to fix the areas in the country that require the most immediate attention, for instance, many towns and some cities in India still have falling bridges and crumbling roads, making commutation difficult. Improvements in such existing pathways will create jobs in short-term and, more importantly, helps to strengthen the economy, thus allowing workers to contribute to their jobs and businesses to provide goods across the country. Finally, spending on education will benefit society in the long run, which will result in increasing the number of educated people. In other words, having a greater resource of skilled and knowledgeable professionals will bring greater rewards to society as a whole. In addition, more educated people imply a better employment rate and a reduced crime rate. In conclusion, expenditure on matters of public importance is a must for any country that values progress and one that wishes to advance. The cost incurred on public investments will be recouped many times over the benefit it brings.
Possible agreement error. The noun pay seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much state pay", "a good deal of state pay".
Many state pay
in abundance for the artistic endeavors as there is an
increasingly
high number of paintings and
Possible spelling mistake found.
statuaries
visible in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
places
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, spending on art should
be avoided
and
instead
, money ought to
be expended
on matters of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
interest. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the flow of wherewithal should be on items of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
importance will
greatly
benefit both individuals and society.

A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason to shun spending on artistic objects is the need for better healthcare amenities for the common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. At present,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
healthcare centers do not offer satisfactory services,
primarily
due to fewer funds incurred by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
under-privileged civilians in Africa,
for instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dies
due to the shortage of medical equipment requisite for their treatment. Healthcare facilities are essential for any individual to lead a healthy and a long life ahead.

Another point to consider by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is the infrastructure needed by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
to have a better standard of living. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide more funding to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
the areas in the country that require the most immediate attention,
for instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
towns and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cities in India
still
have falling bridges and crumbling roads, making commutation difficult. Improvements in such existing pathways will create jobs in short-term and, more
importantly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to strengthen the economy,
thus
allowing workers to contribute to their jobs and businesses to provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
across the country.

Finally
, spending on education will benefit society in the long run, which will result in increasing the number of educated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
In other words
, having a greater resource of skilled and knowledgeable professionals will bring greater rewards to society as a whole.
In addition
, more educated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
imply a better employment rate and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
crime rate.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
conclusion, expenditure on matters of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
importance is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for any country that values progress and one that wishes to advance. The cost incurred on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
investments will
be recouped
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times over the benefit it brings.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay It is observed that most governments pay a lot of money for an art project for instance, there are more and more paintings and sculpture seen in public places. Some people think that it is wrong, and the government should spend money on other important things of public interests. Give your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
334 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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